


Kokoro

by bukkunkun



Series: Miss You [2]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Androids, Family Loss, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hiro Needs a Hug, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Robots, Self-Harm, there are so little tags to choose from holy fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:19:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukkunkun/pseuds/bukkunkun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ko•ko•ro<br/>/kôkôrô/<br/><i>noun</i><br/>heart; spirit; mind - the centre of a person's thoughts and emotions, especially love or compassion</p><p><i>“So, uh. This is Hiro Hamada, and this is my… first. Test.”</i><br/>A hesitant pause.<br/><i>“… Of my final robotics project.”</i></p><p>(now with included 8tracks playlist <a href="http://8tracks.com/bukkun/i-still-wear-your-heart-around-my-name">here</a>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Latiwings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latiwings/gifts).



> ayyyy lmao so my dear friend latiwings asked me if i was gonna write another fic so here i am writing another one huehue
> 
> anyway this is set after [babang luksa](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2655698) where apparently hiro is really still not over tadashi's death  
> (just like the whole fandom is tbh)
> 
> so this fic is about hiro's final project/thesis thing, where he proposed that he will make a robot capable of empathizing with human emotions and is capable of emotions as well. Things don't go as well as planned.
> 
> Inspired by Toraboruta-P's song [ココロ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ps3W8FFHAU), sung by Kagamine Rin (yes so weebish sue me).

The first time I opened my eyes I saw nervous brown eyes staring into mine through a haze of blue, and I spoke my first words.

“Hi. My name is Tadashi. Is there anything you need?”

My voice was blocky, blotched with data and noise and crackles of electricity, but they were the first words I said, and they wouldn’t be my last.

My creator—my master—looked at me with sad eyes, and shook his head.

“ _Not yet_.” he was mouthing, and my vocal receptors weren’t working yet, but I could understand what he was saying anyway.

He programmed me to do virtually everything.

He was crying when he pressed a button on my access port, and I returned to slumber.


	2. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 27th test video log.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyy lmao so the look on this is soooo much better on my .docx because there's like some ~*aesthetic*~ shit going on like
> 
> THE LAST SENTENCE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN COURIER NEW BUT AO3 SUX BECAUSE THEY DON'T ALLOW FOR FONT CHANGES SOBS

“ _Hiro Hamada again—and this is my_ —”

A frustrated pause. A tired sigh.

“ _Twenty-seventh test. Of my final robotics project_.”

The seventh time I opened my eyes I saw tired brown eyes staring into mine through a haze of blue, and I spoke my first words.

“Hi. My name is— _T҉̰̲̟̞a͉͝ḑ͎͙͉͈̭̪a̻͇s͏͉͈̫̺͖̬h̩i͕_.”

My eyes swam in and out of vision and my mind shut down as violence erupted around me.

**SYSTEM ERROR: DEBUG REQUIRED**


	3. t̚͝aͫd̡ͮa̴ͣͩͪs̸͌ͦ̇̍ͦ͑̒hiͧ̃̿

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hiro's breath caught in his throat._
> 
> He _**works**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 3 of initial upload ily guys
> 
> trigger warnings for mentions of self-harm.

“ _Please work._ ”

There was no usual greeting. No usual statement of a name.

Just a small, tired voice. Tired. Pleading.

I opened my eyes, slowly, and I spoke my first words.

“Hi. My name is Tadashi. Is there anything you need?”

For a long moment, there was silence, and I tried to wrap arms around my creator in an attempt to comfort him.

“Hiro?” I asked. “My sensors are telling me that you’re sad. And that you’re stressed. You should get some rest.”

My voice was smooth now, no longer holding any trace of stray data or strain or noise, and I sounded so… human.

So _kind_.

That was, after all, how he programmed me to be.

Hiro was silent and I tried to move, but I couldn’t. He looked up at me, eyes teary, and data stirred in my mind, hastily processing his tears, his sadness, when Hiro spoke up with a gentle, broken voice.

“You sound so much like him.” He shakily whispered, and I wanted to wipe his tears away. “The vocaliser program’s working.” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes and walked out of my sight, and I wanted to move, but I couldn’t. “Emotional response,” I heard him say, and he returned to sit in front of me, looking up with puffy eyes, still sniffling as he held on a phone, held up near his mouth, and I realised he was recording his notes. “Tadashi.”

“Yeah, Hiro?” I replied automatically, wanting to help.

“How are you feeling?”

That was an odd question, but I knew I had to answer my master.

“Worried.” I replied honestly, and Hiro smiled sadly up at me.

“You work,” he breathed, sitting back in his seat and looking up at me in tired wonder. “You really work.”

He sighed, relieved, and he laughed a little sadly. “I’d kiss your camera, if I could, but I’m just so dead tired,” he said to me, and I replied with a laugh to cheer him up. “I can’t believe it.” He breathed, and he gingerly twirled his voice recorder in his hand. “You _work_.”

“I’m glad to be working,” I replied, and Hiro laughed at that, laying a hand on his face against his eyes.

“That’s great, buddy.” He replied, getting up to grin at me. “Now, I should get started on your body.”

“My body, Hiro?”

“I just activated you to see if the program works fine. Seeing as it does, the next step is your body.” Hiro explained, “Right now, you’re a carbon fibre skeleton.” He tapped my skeleton to prove his point. “Usually people would finish the structure first before testing the program, though.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked, and Hiro’s hand curled into a fist as he looked like he was trying very hard not to cry. I wanted to move, but as he said, I really couldn’t, and he sighed shakily and sat back down again.

“Because if you didn’t work, and you were wearing his face, I would…” he stopped for a moment, sniffled, and sighed. “I would break, Tadashi.”

“How so? Activating me won’t break any bones or cause any wounds.”

Hiro smiled at me sadly.

“It’s a different kind of break.” Hiro softly said, lifting his hand to dust away something from my eyes, and I spied traces of scars on his wrist. I didn’t respond to his statement, and he frowned a little, his expression falling slightly as if he knew where I was looking. “… How are you feeling, Tadashi?”

“I am sad.” I replied, “You shouldn’t participate in self-harm, Hiro.”

Hiro wrapped his arms around what little of me exists, and sniffled, starting to sob into the fabric of his hoodie as he clung onto my skeleton, crying his eyes out.

“I know.” He sobbed, “I know, Tadashi, I know.”

“Please don’t hurt yourself.” I softly said, and he hiccupped, laughing sadly.

“I’m sorry.” he replied instead, and pulled away, showing me his puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “Starting this project was a bad idea from the start.”

“Nevertheless, I am glad you made me.” I said, and Hiro laughed bitterly.

“Thanks.” He sighed. “Goodnight, Tadashi.”

“Goodnight, Hiro.” I replied, and I deactivated, the last lingering frame in my memory bank the sight of Hiro picking up a cutter and ponderingly looking at it, before whispering yet another broken ‘ _sorry_ ’.


	4. Excitement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ex·cite·ment  
> /ikˈsītmənt/
> 
> a feeling of great enthusiasm and eagerness.
> 
> _It was like looking right back into the past._
> 
> _Tadashi was standing there, by his side, smiling at him again the same way he always did._  
> 
> _How he longed to just run into his arms, to hug him tightly, weep against the soft cloth of his brother's cardigan about how he missed him so much, how much it hurt that he was gone, but—_
> 
> _This was not his brother; this was not his sweet dreams come to life; this was not his happily ever after._
> 
> _At 19 years of age, Hiro Hamada had already lost so much. Now staring at the robot with his brother's face, using his brother's voice, wearing his brother's old clothes, he realised that he had lost much more than he ever accounted for._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paul Ekman's biologically-driven perspective on human emotions led him to research on the groupings of human emotions. His findings let him classify six basic emotions humans experience: excitement, tenderness, fear, anger, sadness and happiness. 
> 
> That's where I'm planning to go with this. Hope y'all enjoy the ride. Especially those last two emotions, hehe.
> 
> ANYWAY I SPENT SO MUCH TIME RESEARCHING FOR THIS CHAPTER, FROM THE EMOTIONS TO THE ROBOTICS FEATURES AND STUFF AND I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I THINK IT'S STILL REALLY INADEQUATE
> 
> but eh i hope you appreciate it lmao

“Good morning, Tadashi!”

I opened my eyes to see Hiro walking into the room. It had been three weeks since I was last activated, but I greeted him with my programmed greeting.

“Hi. My name is Tadashi. Is there anything you need?” I asked, sitting up.

And there it was. I stopped, my programming processing what just happened as I looked down to see I had hands, and legs, and a body, and my eyes widened as I looked at Hiro, who was smirking expectantly, arms akimbo.

“How are you feeling, Tadashi?”

My data shifted through my hardware. My hard memory had expanded. Processing speed had increased. I now possessed motor data. A grin—I could _grin_!—spread across my face.

“Ecstatic.” I replied, my voice excited, and I shakily moved to face him. “I have a body.”

“You think?” Hiro asked, walking up to me to stroke the skin that covered my wrist. I felt warmth crawl up my skin and sparks of _feeling_ sent data flying into my brain—pressure, affected area in square centimetres, _sensation_ , equivalent force calculated, response generation, action potential, motor conduction— _reaction_.

My fingers twitched, and Hiro huffed approvingly.

“Semiconductor synthetic rubber skin.” He said to me, “Can you feel my fingers?”

“Yes.” I replied, nodding, watching him as he poked at different parts of my body—my thighs, my ankles, my toes, my soles, moving up to poke at my torso, my stomach and shoulders and arms, all the while asking me if I felt anything, and I replied accordingly.

He avoided my face.

When everything was deemed in working order, Hiro stood back to take a look at me.

“Your under-body’s made of a mix of titanium and carbon polymer. I designed your limbs with biomimetics in mind. You’re built to withstand carrying lots of weight despite your size.” He paused, and sighed a little. “You can lift a thousand pounds.” He continued after a moment, his voice turning sad, but then he shook his head and continued. “Hyperspectral cams for your eyes,” he tapped my temple. “I can’t wait to show you to everyone.”

I chuckled, and grasped his hand in mine, intercepting it as it returned to his side. “You’re… happy, Hiro.”

Hiro peered at me, expression carefully neutral. “Are you?” he asked, brushing what looked like hair out of my eyes.

I nodded.

For the first time in my life, I saw my creator truly smile. It bloomed on his face, showing me his overbite and tooth gap, and I couldn’t help but mirror his smile as he left my side again, but this time I could move and watch him as he walked up to his desk to pick up some clothes.

“First things first, you can’t go walking around outside buck naked,” he chuckled, and I nodded, getting up and allowing him to dress me in slacks, a faded shirt with a ninja on it, a cardigan and mint green shoes. When he was done, I walked slowly to a reflective surface nearby and looked at myself for the first time.

My eyes widened when they locked on to their reflection in the mirror.

I had eyes the same shape as my master’s, and the same colour, a dark brown in the hue of blue blurring my vision. My hair was neatly parted to one side—black, just like Hiro’s—and my face had a strong chin, the shape similar to his, and I wondered for a moment who it was I was looking at.

“That’s you,” Hiro breathed from his spot behind me, and I saw his reflection over my shoulder cross his arms and lean on the table. “All of you.”

I felt excitement spark in my data.

I looked so… _human_.

Hiro came up beside me, standing at two inches shorter than me, his smile sad as he slung his arm around my shoulders.

“You look so much like him,” he said, his voice cracking like weak plaster in an earthquake, and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, too, and squeezed him reassuringly.

“I don’t know who you’re referring to,” I said, “But I can see that you’re… happy.”

Hiro looked at me in the mirror, and grinned past his tears.

“ _I am_.”

* * *

My master brought his research assistant with him to the lab the next day, excitedly chattering away with a young man with dark skin and green eyes as they walked into the room. The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up, and he turned to Hiro.

“Is that him?” he asked, his tone excited, and Hiro nodded, looking proud of himself. “Wow, shit, he looks _exactly_ like him.” There was a moment’s pause as I stood up to walk to them. “Okay, this is officially creepy.” He said, but his tone was teasing and amused, and Hiro laughed, smacking his arm.

“You’re just a huge weenie.” He replied, before grinning up at me. “Hey, Tadashi. How are you feeling?”

I processed my data for a moment, before replying, “Antsy.”

“He _knows_ ,” the research assistant snickered, already poking at his phone.

“I know what?” I asked.

“We’re doing some tests on you today.” Hiro explained for me. “Just some routine stuff—check if your eyes are okay, if you’re moving fine, that kind of stuff.” He gestured at me to follow him to his worktable, and made me sit on it like a patient. “I can’t really have you walking around outside and suddenly have you malfunction. My assistant and I will be running the tests on you.” He gestured at the dark-skinned man standing off to the side, eyeing them boredly and tapping a mechanical pencil against the clipboard he had with him. 

I nodded. “Alright, then.”

“Let’s start with your eyes.” Hiro declared, and I turned to look at his assistant, who was now setting up a camera pointing at us and scribbling notes down on a notebook. “Tadashi, what colour clothes am I wearing?”

I turned to look at Hiro, and saw he was wearing his lab gown on top of an SFIT hoodie, and jeans.

“Your hoodie is blue,” I replied, and Hiro nodded, tense. “And your lab gown is of a light blue colour.”

At that Hiro froze, and I heard the _snap_ of his assistant’s lead pencil’s lead breaking.

“… _What_?” Hiro asked after a long moment, and his assistant rushed up to his side to show me a blank piece of paper.

“What colour?” he demanded, looking panicky, and I blinked.

“Blue.”

Hiro looked crestfallen, and that was when his assistant jolted, and grabbed his shoulders. “Senpai! Did you remove the blue plastic film from the spec-cam’s lenses?” he asked, and Hiro gaped at him.

“… I thought _you_ took them off.”

The assistant whined. “ _Senpai_ , I left them for you to take off because you said you liked peeling them off!”

“That was when I was 13!” Hiro countered, and my data began to shift in my processing unit as the two continued to bicker. “God, Ricki, weren’t you listening to what I was telling you?”

“I only had 2 hours of sleep and I _was_ preoccupied with, you know—fucking _welding_ your stuff—that—that robotics project homework thing you procrastinated on when we went to that bot fight!” he countered, before sighing and running his hand down his face before peering at me through his fingers. “… Great, so his spec-cams are impaired by the blue film.”

“That would certainly explain why I have been seeing the world in a blue hue.” I agreed, amused, and it was my turn to get gaped at by Hiro.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, hysterical, “Knucklehead.”

I laughed at that, and buried my hand in Hiro’s hair to stroke it. “There, there. I am sorry I didn’t let you know.”

Under my hand, Hiro froze, and I pulled back. “… Hiro?”

“How are you feeling?” His assistant—Ricki—asked me suddenly.

“… Nervous.” I replied honestly, and Hiro backed away a little from me when I spoke, flinching like he had been hurt. I frowned, and stepped closer to him. “Hiro?”

“I’m _not_ opening you up.” He quietly said, his voice wavering, and my scans detected a dramatic drop in neurotransmitter levels. I made a move to step forward towards him, to pull him into my arms, but Hiro backed away from me. “Ricki, you open him up.”

The dark-skinned assistant frowned, and crossed his arms.

“ _Senpai_ , this is _your_ thesis.” He deadpanned, “What if I mess up? You’d run into huge trouble with your bot. I can’t mess up your _thesis_.”

Hiro shot him a withering look, and slowly turned to me.

“Fine,” he breathed, “Goodnight, Tadashi.”

“Goodnight, Hiro.” I nodded, “Goodnight, Ricki.”

The assistant waved at me a little dismissively, and I sat down on the worktable and deactivated.

* * *

“Good morning.”

I woke to the sound of Hiro’s exhausted voice, and I opened my eyes to find him half-asleep with his head on my lap, a screwdriver loosely held in one hand and a pencil in the other.

The haze of blue was no longer in my vision, and I smiled, tangling my fingers in Hiro’s hair, before replying, “Hi. Is there anything you need?”

“Sleep, probably,” Hiro replied, “I _did_ just—” his words dissolved into a yawn, and I laughed kindly, rubbing his back and relishing the _feel_ of cotton against my skin. I turned my internal heater on and Hiro grinned against my skin, and cuddled closer. “Man, I’m glad I installed a heater in you too, just like Baymax.”

At the sound of an unfamiliar term, I ran a search query, and found numerous articles on a robot named Baymax.

“Baymax.” I echoed, and Hiro hummed in reply against my wrist. “A personal healthcare provider invented by Tadashi Hamada.” In my lap, I felt Hiro flinch, and I brought my free hand down to Hiro’s cheek to cup it comfortingly. “Model robot for currently consumer-level release of the personal healthcare provider Mammarou.”

Hiro relaxed a little at that, and chuckled. “You know what a Mammarou is?”

“My search query states that it is a personal healthcare provider.” I replied, and Hiro pulled himself up to grin at me.

“He’s like a tiny Baymax.” Hiro replied, “Standing at around three feet.” He made a vague gesture 1.23m from the ground, and I reached down to lower his hand to the appropriate height. He blinked at me for a moment, before laughing, leaning against me heavily. “Comes in as many colours as you want him. He’s programmed similarly to Baymax but nothing compares to the original.”

“May I meet Baymax?”

Hiro looked up at me, and nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged, sitting up with a little difficulty, before raising his voice. “Ow.”

The sound of hissing air and inflating vinyl filled the room, and I saw a large inflatable robot waddle out from behind the divider a few metres away from us and came up near us. It came to a stop in front of us and gave us a circular wave.

“Hello,” it said, “I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion.”

“Hi. My name is Tadashi.” I replied automatically, and in my lap, Hiro laughed a little hysterically, already half-asleep, according to my scan of him.

“I heard a sound of distress.” Baymax continued, lowering his hand. “What seems to be the problem?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. Curious, I did the same, and between us, Hiro laughed again.

**PROTOCOL STATUS: ADEQUATE**

**FUNCTIONS:**

**HEALTHCARE PROVISION – ADEQUATE**

**EMOTIONAL PROVISION – ADEQUATE**

**SYSTEM OVERVIEW: ADEQUATE**

I smiled. Hiro was happy—I was doing what I was programmed to do.

“It’s kinda awesome how you two just introduced each other without me prompting me to.” Hiro spoke up between us, chuckling, before lifting his arms at Baymax, wiggling his fingers. “Hey, big guy.”

“My scans indicate that you are experiencing wakefulness.” Baymax replied, picking him up from my lap with ease. “I recommend a full-night’s sleep.”

“He’s right, you know.” I supplied, and Hiro snickered.

“You even nag like him.” He replied, and I took a moment to consider what he said.

“Like who?” I asked. “Tadashi Hamada?”

Hiro’s smile faltered a little, but he nodded. “Yeah. Him.”

“Is he also the person I look like?” I asked, and Hiro replied with a wordless nod.

As I was about to start a search query, Hiro spoke up. “Hey, uh. I’m going to go home for the night now. How are your eyes?”

I looked at Baymax, and he was as white as I saw in the photographs. “I am fine. The hue is gone.”

Hiro sighed, and shivered a little. “Good. Tomorrow I’m going to take you out of the lab for a walk.” I grinned at that, and I saw a small smile grace his lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Excited.” I replied, “I want to see what the world outside is like.”

“Getting a _little_ too lifelike there, buddy,” Hiro chuckled, but he waved at me. “Goodnight, Tadashi.”

“Goodnight, Hiro.” I gave him a small, circular wave like Baymax did as I headed back to the workbench, earning me a tired giggle from my master. I smiled at him, and I deactivated, the last frame in my mind the sight of Baymax cradling a half-asleep Hiro in his arms, and data jumped inside gaps in my coding as I tried to process a weight I could sense only in the disturbance in the digital sparks in my access port.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tO THE PEOPLE WHO RECOGNISE RICKI
> 
> PLEASE DON'T OUT MY SHAME BLOG HAHA IT'S SECRET FOR A REASON
> 
> anyway warnings maybe there will be mild hiro/omc but it's very plot devicey and will not stray beyond a confession. (basically one's gonna reject the other. I ain't tellin' who.)


	5. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fear  
> /'fir/
> 
> an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
> 
> _It wasn't fair._
> 
> _It wasn't fair that this robot was exactly like_ him _._
> 
>  _The worry that was clear through the android's voice and the lines that were etched onto synthetic skin and the frown that was crossing those familiar lips as they curled around words of concern that he was sure ~~Tadashi~~_ he _would say tore at what little strength he had left in his heart to not cry_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeyyyyy lmao sorry i took forever here's the angst again yay yippee kai yey
> 
> anyway more research and nerdy shit too enjoy haha

“Good morning, Tadashi.”

I opened my eyes to see my master sitting across me in a rolling chair, his chin resting on his hands, elbows on his knees. I realised then that we were in a room that looked completely unfamiliar. It looked like the attic of a house, with slanting ceilings covered in different posters. The floor was strewn with scattered socks and shirts, and the walls had shelves with figures on it. Right across me a clock with a robot was stock-still, large and imposing on the wall, both hands pointing at a divider that closed off a tiny corner of the room.

“Hi.” I responded, focusing my attention back to Hiro, who was wearing dark purple armour and a helmet. “Is there anything you need?” I asked, my tone raising in concern. Why was Hiro in armour? Was there an emergency?

“How are you feeling?” Hiro asked gently, pulling his helmet off, but I put my hand down on the top and pushed it back down onto his head.

“Tense.” I responded, cupping the helmet in my hands to look at Hiro’s face. “Why are you in armour? Is there an emergency? How may I help?”

Hiro laughed, and I scanned him briefly—his hormone and neurotransmitter levels were normal, and it looked like he had a full stomach. I briefly checked my system time to find it was 7:43PM.

“You had just finished dinner.” I declared slowly. “You’re…” I paused, processing, “Okay.”

“That’s right, buddy,” Hiro patted my arm, “Had dinner with my aunt Cass, and then I came to the lab to pick you up.”

“How?” I asked, “And why does that warrant,” I gestured at his armour, “This?”

“Oh, well, I may have flown,” Hiro chuckled nervously, and my eyes widened. “Baymax is in the garage. I’m going to—”

“You _flew_?” I interrupted, “Were you secure? Were you in any danger?”

Hiro stopped talking completely, and looked at me with an unreadable expression my processes screeched to a halt, aborting the line of questioning in favour or processing what Hiro’s emotional state currently was.

His neurotransmitter levels are dropping— _fast_.

Something sparked in my access port.

I panicked.

“Hiro,” I began, pulling his helmet off, “I’m—”

Hiro’s eyes were welling with tears threatening to spill.

**PROTOCOL STATUS: ADEQUATE**

**FUNCTIONS:**

**HEALTHCARE PROVISION – ADEQUATE**

**EMOTIONAL PROVISION – INSUFFICIENT**

**SYSTEM OVERVIEW: UNSATISFACTORY**

_I_ had done this.

“I’m sorry.” I hesitantly said, cupping his cheek in my hand, and feeling cold, cold liquid touch the semiconductor-rubber of my skin, further reminding me of my failed emotional provision protocol. “Hiro, I’m so, so sorry, I…”

“You… You’re just like…” he took a shaky breath, and the dam broke—his tears spilled down over my fingers, down the other side of his face, and I surged forward to pull him into a hug, letting him cry on my shoulder as I squeezed him reassuringly, turning on my internal heater. “You’re just like _him_.” I heard Hiro whimper into the fabric of my clothes, and I could feel his tears soaking through the material and onto my skin.

Him, again.

I turned my eyes up to see a mirror across us, and I saw Tadashi Hamada’s face staring back at me, a crease on his brow and big, brown eyes staring right into mine.

Sparks jumped across the gaps in my coding as I processed the sight across me.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know why this was happening.

In my arms, I heard Hiro whine, and I looked down at his messy mop of hair, frowning.

“ _Nii-chan_.”

It was barely audible, but I heard my master’s voice, and I hugged him tighter, pulling him close and planting a kiss into his hair.

“I’m here, Hiro,” I said with Tadashi’s voice. “I’m here.”

“Nii-chan,” Hiro sobbed into my shoulder, and my scans detected a slight stabilisation of neurotransmitter levels.

The treatment was working.

“Hiro, it’s okay,” I told him, in Japanese, and he stiffened up in my arms for a moment, before melting into my embrace, clinging onto me like a lifeline in a storm, and I was reminded of the first time I met my master properly. “I’m here.”

Tadashi is here.

* * *

My master took sixteen minutes and nine seconds to calm down and fall asleep.

I stood up carefully, picking him up easily in my arms to see that I had been sitting down on his bed. It was unkempt and had clothes strewn on it here and there, and I chuckled, shaking my head. Carrying him with one arm, I fixed his bed, the other, setting down clothes—clean ones in one pile on Hiro’s chair, and dirty ones on the floor—before tucking Hiro into bed after removing his armour, stroking his hair gently when I finished settling him in.

He mumbled something in his fitful sleep, and I hushed him gently as I got up to leave.

“I miss you.” I heard him say clearly, and I turned around to look at his sleeping form beginning to curl around a pillow I had placed next to him. “Miss you so much.”

I pulled my eyes away from him to look at myself in the mirror again, and saw Tadashi looking back at me, a frown on his lips the same as mine.

“Hi.” I said softly, touching my reflection in the mirror. “My name is Tadashi.” I watched the reflection mouth my words back at me, and I could hear Hiro’s brother’s voice in my ears, crackling through my circuits, speeding through optic fibre and metal as digital data.

“My… name… is… Tadashi.” I said one more time, but I didn’t know who it was that was saying it.

Me, or the brother Hiro had been looking for in me.

* * *

I left Hiro’s room quietly, shutting the door behind me to find a staircase leading downstairs. I followed it to find a living room and a kitchen area beneath Hiro’s floor, and on the other side, a bedroom. Hiro’s aunt, Cass, probably was in there. I headed down further towards the front door to see a robot that looked like a miniature Baymax—except it was coloured in muted orange and black on top of white like a calico cat’s colouring, with matching cat-ear accessories on top of its head and a large bell and a collar on its neck, like a lucky cat charm statue—on sleep mode next to the front door.

It blinked awake, and looked at me for a long moment, cocking its head, ears flicking.

“You must be a Mammarou.” I said, and the Mammarou nodded mutely, before displaying a photograph on its small, white chest. It was a photograph of me—no, it was a photograph of Tadashi, Hiro’s older brother, and with a content sound that was similar to a cat’s purr, the Mammarou slipped back into sleep mode, deeming me safe and welcome in its home.

I took a long moment to look at the robot, waiting if it activated again, but it didn’t. Shaking my head, I went through the door to the garage.

I slipped inside to find Baymax standing in the middle of the garage, eyes closed, and dressed in bright red armour.

“Baymax?” I ventured, and the other robot’s eyes opened. He shifted around for a moment as I stepped closer to him. “Are you active?”

“I am.” Baymax replied simply, pausing for a moment before continuing, “My scans detect that Hiro is asleep.”

“Ah, yeah.” I replied. “He cried himself to sleep.”

Baymax looked pensive—or at least, as pensive as his expression—or lack thereof—could muster—and stayed silent for a moment, as I cocked my head.

“Baymax?”

“How are you feeling?” he asked, and I blinked at him.

Hiro must have installed the checker protocol—the ‘how are you feeling’ query—to test my emotion programming. No doubt he’ll relay the results to him the next time they met.

I looked down at my hands, unsure, clenching them into fists and opening them as Baymax patiently waited for an answer.

For the first time, I didn’t know what I felt.

“Anxious.” I replied after a long moment of consideration. It was the closest my data could allow to liken to what I was feeling, but Baymax took it as an adequate response, nodding serenely, before moving back a little. “Hiro mentioned something about your armour?” I asked.

“Hiro will remove it when he is available.” Baymax assured. “I will wait here in sleep mode until he returns.”

“If you say so.” I looked at Baymax, unsure, and I spoke up again. “Why did Hiro bring me here?” I asked, looking around. “This is his house, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Baymax nodded. “This is the Lucky Cat Café, which is owned and operated by his aunt Cassandra Hamada.”

“Aunt Cass.” I nodded.

“Yes. Hiro mentioned that he wanted her to be the first person to see you, aside from himself and Richard Ishigaki, his research assistant.” The other robot explained. “He will perform more performance tests on you tomorrow back at the Institute of Robotics.”

“Yeah, he did mention something about taking me outside.” I shook my head. “Hey, Baymax?”

“Yes?”

“Did you ever know what your creator was like?” I asked, “This… Tadashi Hamada person.”

“Yes.” Baymax looked down at his armour over his chest. “I may show you, but I am currently wearing my armour.”

“I’ll take it off,” I offered, and allowed Baymax to show me how to remove at least that one part over his access port, which I noted looked like mine. When his torso was cleared, his stomach bulged out and over his armour, but before I could laugh at that, a video began to play on Baymax’s stomach.

“ _This is Tadashi Hamada,_ ” a black-haired young man—Tadashi—smiled into the camera, holding a slate in front of him, “ _And this is the first test of my robotics project_.”

I blinked as his first test on Baymax failed, and I continued to watch, rapt.

His seventh test also failed.

His thirty-third as well.

Forty-one.

Sixty-eight.

The test videos went on, and on, and in each, I saw fragments—tiny snippets of the man I was modelled after, and when Baymax finally worked—eighty-four—the video logs stopped, shut down, and I slumped down to the ground.

Gently, vinyl creaking, Baymax plopped down to the ground across me, and we were silent for a long moment, before he spoke up.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Terrified.” I replied.

Baymax looked at me, head cocked, and I shook my head, running my hand down my face.

“I’m not that man. I’ll never be that man.”

Baymax was quiet, blinking carefully, and I deflated, slumping against him, and he turned on his internal heater, as if to comfort me.

I laughed a little at that.

“You are a healthcare provider.” Baymax said suddenly. “You are not Tadashi Hamada.” He poked my chest with an armour-covered chubby finger. “You do not require to become him.”

I looked up at him, a little relieved at that, and a spark jumped across the gaps in my programming.

“Yeah.” I nodded, resting against his side. “Thank you.”

Baymax nodded serenely, and his eyes slid shut as he entered sleep mode. I looked at him for a long moment, before getting up.

I couldn’t go into sleep mode like he could, but I know what I could do.

* * *

“Good morning, Hiro.” I said at precisely 6:30AM, the alarm set on Hiro’s bedside alarm clock. My master groaned, stretching slowly as he blinked sleep out of his eyes, slowly rousing as morning light streamed in through the blinds I had opened up when dawn rose.

“Too early,” he grumbled, turning in bed to face away from the sun. “Five more minutes.”

“You have classes starting at 8:30 today.” I told him, grasping his shoulder and shaking it a little. “Please wake up.”

Delirious from sleep, Hiro laughed a little. “Make me.”

I blinked at that for a moment, but did as I was told, picking him up with ease.

 _That_ woke Hiro up, and he scrambled to get out of my arms, landing on the floor heavily. I tailed after him as he struggled to get up, but backed away when he gestured me to back off as he got up himself.

He straightened up, blinked at me with squinting eyes for a long moment, before realisation dawned on his face.

“Tadashi.”

“Hi.” I replied, hopeful, “Is there anything you need?”

Hiro looked—joyous—for a moment, but then he deflated, but managed a smile on his face anyway.

“Oh, hey. Uh. Sorry about last night.” He apologised, scratching the back of his head before yawning.

“It’s okay.” I replied, and Hiro hummed approvingly.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, stretching as he looked around, and his eyes widened. “And you cleaned up. Wow.” He nodded approvingly, eyeing the stacks of folded clean clothes on his rolling chair and his dirty ones in the hamper at the corner of the room, next to the still-closed divider.

“I am feeling… jittery.” I answered as best as I could, and Hiro looked at me with an eyebrow raised. “I spoke with Baymax yesterday. You’re going to show me to your Aunt Cass?”

Hiro looked a little crestfallen, but he shrugged. “Yeah. I am. Figured she deserved to see you first before anyone.”

I paused at that, and tentatively, I asked, “Hiro, how are you feeling?”

My master looked at me at the sudden question, jaw hanging slightly in shock, showing me his overbite and tooth gap once more, and like that, he looked so much younger than he was. Like he was 14 again.

“I…” he stopped, took a deep breath, and sighed. “I’m scared, to be honest.” He admitted, “Of what Aunt Cass is gonna say, of what everyone’s gonna say—I just,” he stammered, “I don’t know. I’m a mess.”

I squeezed his shoulder.

“I think I feel the same.” I assured, and he grinned at me brokenly.

“Isn’t that something?” he asked, before turning to get a new change of clothes. “I’m just gonna take a bath for a sec before the both of us head down for breakfast. Wait here; I’ll get you your own change of clothes.”

He walked out the door, closing it shut behind him before I could protest.

“… But I don’t really need clothes,” I weakly said to the empty door, but I shook my head.

Instead, I sat down on my master’s bed, running checks over my hardware to find everything still working fine. My battery was nearly running low, but it would probably last at least until we got to my master’s lab.

I took a look around the room again, and my eyes trained on the divider at the corner of the room. Blinking, I got up, and headed to it, grasping its edge and pulling it open to find another bed space much neater than my master’s.

The bed was made, textbooks neatly arranged on shelves and on a desk, and there was even a surfboard at the corner of the room. In the middle of the bed was a lone baseball cap.

Blinking, I picked it up, turning it around in my hands, before putting it on, turning to face the mirror.

It fit me well.

I grinned a little at that, but I wondered what a bed space like this was doing in my master’s room. Perhaps someone was renting it a while back? Was it for rent?

I looked at the books on the shelves to find they were on robotics, but while they were neatly in place, they weren’t in any particular order.

I cast a glance at Hiro’s side of the room, and saw that there really was no fixing the amount of mess on his side. Fixing this shelf would take less power.

I took one book out, glancing at the author’s name, and began to arrange them.

* * *

It took me ten minutes to finish arranging all the books in the bed space—the shelf was quite the challenge, but I managed, slipping the last book into the shelf with a small smile.

“There.” I nodded, before turning to find an old, tattered leather-bound journal still lying on the bed. Blinking, I realised this was the only book in the shelf that didn’t have a surname on the spine. I picked it up, to find it surprisingly heavy, and curious, I opened it to find numerous sketches and notes on a myriad of robots.

The information here was not on my database, so I began to read, sitting down comfortably on the bed to conserve power, as I began to load the data from the journal into my memory, committing each blueprint to mind, along with specifications and additional notes, and all was going well until I heard the door open.

I turned to smile at the person stepping in, to find a woman had opened the door.

She was looking around the room, green eyes a little worried, and with a tentative voice, she asked, “Hiro?”

I stood up, still holding the book, and I caught her attention. She turned to look at me, and immediately, her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she stepped back, clamping her hands over her mouth.

“Hi,” I greeted her, as my protocol directed when I met new people. “My name is Tadashi. Is there anything you need?”

She gaped at me some more, her body shaking as I scanned her to find her levels of serotonin-epinephrine— _adrenaline_ —levels were high. Her blood pressure, and rate, skyrocketed, and her adrenal gland was on overdrive.

“You are in a state of panic,” I declared, and she snapped out of her stupor.

“Tadashi?” she breathed, stepping forward to head towards me, a shaky hand raised, to cup my face as I looked down at her, growing more and more confused at her reaction.

“Yes.” I opted to say, “My name is Tadashi. I am a personal healthcare provider, similar to Baymax.” At that, the woman’s hand froze, and she flinched back, staring at me with wide— _frightened_ —eyes as she clutched her wrist tightly, her knuckles white at the force she was gripping it with. “My creator made me as an android capable of emotion and empathizing with patients in order to facilitate a sure and well recovery.” I continued, “I am also equipped to help my patients in any way I can, and a defence protocol is also available for physical protection against assailants, if necessary.”

“You’re…” the woman took a shuddering breath, “A _robot_.”

“Yes.” I replied simply.

For a long moment, there was silence, and I didn’t understand why this woman was so distraught at this fact. A gasp from the door caught our attention, and I looked up from the brunette woman to see Hiro standing in the doorway, dressed for school in a hoodie, cargo pants and socks, his towel in one hand and his hair still dripping wet from his shower. His eyes were wide with shock and his jaw hung open, and I smiled at him to placate him.

“Hiro.” I said, “Welcome back.”

The woman whirled around, eyes wide, and she gestured at me. “Did you…?”

Hiro sighed, looking apologetic as he ran his hand down his face. “When I said I was gonna let Aunt Cass meet you, I didn’t mean it to turn out like this,” he grumbled, as behind him Baymax waddled upstairs, armour now gone, at his heels Mammarou, flashing a little red light on his chest as he scurried over to Cass’s heels.

“Oh,” I piped up, “You must be Aunt Cass.”

Cass looked at me over her shoulder, and I could see her tears looking ready to spill as she picked up her Mammarou slowly, hugging it tight to her chest.

“To the kitchen. All of you.” She said simply, and stepped past Hiro and Baymax to head downstairs. “Mochi and I will be waiting at the table. Breakfast’s ready.”

The door closed shut behind her gently when Baymax shut it, and there was a heavy silence between us as Hiro grumbled, and dried his hair off with his towel.

“So that’s that.” He said grumpily, “So, do you think she’ll kick me out or I won’t graduate?”

“Have faith,” I replied simply, ruffling his hair when he lowered his towel, and Hiro yelled in protest, but stilled completely when he looked forward at the mirror to see our reflection on it, me smiling at his reflection with his brother’s face, his brother’s clothes—his hat, and him looking at my reflection, dishevelled, wide-eyed, simply _tired_. “I’m not giving up on you.”

Hiro looked like something both broke and became whole inside him, and he turned to look at me carefully, before quietly asking, “How are you feeling?”

My hand was not trembling like his, but I knew that we felt the same.

“Terrified.” I replied, and Hiro grinned at me lopsidedly.

“Great.” He nodded, “Let’s go face Armageddon.”

* * *

Cassandra Hamada, according my database, was able to produce approximately 75dB of sound when she was angrily yelling at Hiro over breakfast this morning.

She was also, however, capable of falling silent immediately after she had finished letting out all her shock and disbelief and anger at the fact I looked like his brother.

It hurt, thinking she didn’t appreciate Hiro’s hard work, but I stood up and wrapped her into an embrace, turning on my internal heater and rubbing her back as I felt her stiffen up in my arms, before melting into a hug that would have probably hurt if I was human, judging by the amount of force she could put against my skin.

“I was scared,” she admitted after a long while of simply holding me. “Scared that I was just dreaming of all this.” She hugged me tighter, “Scared of… Tadashi.”

I stroked her hair and Hiro smiled sadly, leaning his chin on his hand when Cass pulled away, her eyes welling with tears. “But most of all, I was scared for you, Hiro.” She sighed, leaning against me heavily. “You were just diagnosed with cyclothymia last month, Hiro, and then you built a robot that looked like your brother—I,” she paused, and I ran a search query on my database about cyclothymia.

**CYCLOTHYMIA: BIPOLAR III DISORDER**

**NUMEROUS MOOD SWINGS –  ALTERNATING MILD HYPOMANIC AND DEPRESSIVE EPISODES**

“I was scared you were going to fall off the deep end.” She sighed, reaching forward to grasp Hiro’s wrist gently, and my master looked ashamed of himself. “Hiro,” she paused, carefully considered her words, and sighed. “Hiro, Tadashi looks amazing,” she said, and I beamed at that. “And I think he’s going to be a wonderful thesis project, but…”

She kissed his wrist. “Are you okay with all this?”

Hiro didn’t answer her, so I decided to.

“I will do everything in my power to take care of Hiro.” I said, and she turned to look at me. “Hiro created me to protect and nurture people. I will do the same for my creator.”

I glanced at Hiro’s wrists in Cass’s hands, and I locked eyes with him as I felt the last dredges of my battery sputter away.

“I will protect his body and his heart, even in times when he cannot do it himself.”

Hiro’s eyes widened at that, and I smiled at him, before I shut down completely, my battery wholly drained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h/c that Mochi the cat died of old age a few years after Tadashi died, probs when Hiro was fourth year in college. He got Aunt Cass the first Mammarou on the market and coloured it the same as Mochi to cheer her up.
> 
> She now calls her Mammarou Mochi and it's the resident 'lucky cat' maneki neko that stands at the window waving visitors in. She's still coping from both Mochi and Tadashi's loss, but Mochi the Mammarou, Baymax and Hiro are there to help her. 
> 
> Other notable Mammarou's in this fic is Ricki's mint-green Mammarou, Dango, Honey's pastel pink Sakura, Wasabi's white Mammarou and Gogo's nameless purple one. 
> 
> The Mammarou's are important to this fic. You'll see. ene


	6. Tenderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ten·der·ness  
> /ˈtendərnəs/
> 
> gentleness and kindness; sensitivity to pain.
> 
> _He was so happy; deliriously happy._
> 
> _No one had ever said that to him before; not the doctors, not Aunt Cass, not his friends at the nerd lab, not even Ricki._
> 
> Tadashi _had said it to him._
> 
> _And the only thing he could do was cry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh man i think this is one of the worse ones i've written in terms of plot/style/development. i'm so sorry hhhhhhhhHHHHHHhhhh
> 
> i'm recovering from asthma rn haha i'm high off my meds and none of this was beta'd properly. please bare with me unu;;;;
> 
> NOW WITH A PLAYLIST ON 8TRACKS HERE: http://8tracks.com/bukkun/i-still-wear-your-heart-around-my-name

“Good morning, Tadashi?”

I opened my eyes to the sound of Hiro’s unsure voice, and when I sat up from where I lay I realised I was inside Hiro’s lab again, back in his school. I smiled at him reassuringly and gave his messy hair a gentle pat.

“Hi. Is there anything you need?” I asked.

“Thank God,” Hiro breathed, slumping over my lap, looking clearly relieved as he grinned a little up at me from his spot on my lap. “Man, I thought you died or something,” he began, but then his expression faltered a little. “I mean.”

I knew what he meant, and I hushed him gently, nudging him upright to pull him into a hug.

“I understand.” I replied, hugging him warmly. “My battery ran out.”

Hiro laughed a little at that, and nodded against my shoulder. “Yeah, so I noticed. I hauled you here as fast as I could with Baymax and plugged you in to see what the matter was. The moment I saw your charge gauge blink on I realised you were just out of power.”

He pulled away and his eyes shone with fondness. “I guess I’m gonna have to put a drunk protocol on you, too, so I know when you’re nearly out.”

I laughed, “Please don’t. Does Baymax use that protocol when he is low on power?”

“Yeah.” Hiro chuckled a little, “I don’t know what my brother was thinking when he put that in Baymax’s code.” He fell silent at that for a long moment, and sighed, shoulder slumping. “You know, about these past few days,” he began, hesitantly, “Tadashi, I’m sorry.”

I blinked at him. “Sorry for what?”

“For… all the _episodes_.” He slowly replied, and I looked in my hard drive memory for what he was talking about, and the video log and body scan information in my memory reminded me of all the times I saw him breaking down in front of me. “I just… I know I’m such a huge crybaby and I’m really, really just—” he sighed, “Weak.”

“You are strong, Hiro.” I replied quietly, and he looked at me, eyes shining with tears yet to spill again, and he offered him a kind smile. “You’ve persevered. You’re still here, still inventing, still working.” I took his hand, squeezed it, and inspected the scars on his wrist.

There were some larger than the others, some heavily scarred with tissue bulging out in uneven lumps, some were clean and precise like pencil lines, and there were some that were aborted in the middle, as if Hiro had second thoughts mid-cut.

I committed them all to memory, stroking my fingers over them gently, mapping the topography, the texture of his skin, his body temperature—all in the memory at the tip of my fingers, like Braille for the blind, I would read my master’s scars like words etched into his skin.

“Each scar you have is a moment you slipped, but you recovered, and healed.” I said softly, kissing his hair when he leant forward to bury his face in my chest. “You are incredibly strong, Hiro.”

Hiro said nothing, muffling whimpers as he sobbed into my chest, and I rubbed his back as I stroked his hair softly.

“I live because of you.” I told him, and he stopped, falling dead silent for a long moment, but I continued, “And for that, I am glad.”

Hiro stayed still in my arms for a while, before quietly asking, “How are you feeling?”

“Warm.” I replied, after a long moment. “Not in the way my thermal scans are indicating an increase in temperature, but…” I smiled into his hair. “Tender.” I said with finality.

It felt like a swell in the frequency of sound waves. It felt like the throb of the systole, anticipating the next diastole. It felt so… human.

It was a beautiful thing.

Hiro squeezed me a little tighter, but pulled back to give me a lopsided grin, and I knew it was the best he could offer me at that moment.

“Would you like to show me around outside?” I asked instead to cheer him up. “You mentioned taking me outside yesterday.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Hiro’s tiny grin grew into a smile that was a little wider, and his neurotransmitter levels had stabilised just a bit. “Come on.” He turned and got up to hand me an SFIT hoodie that hung from the back of his chair. “Put this on, and keep the hood up.” He hesitantly looked at the top of my head, and I blinked, cocking my head and I lifted my hand to feel the cap still on my head.

“Should I remove this cap?” I asked, and Hiro shook his head.

“You wouldn’t be Tadashi without it.” He replied simply, before heading to the door. “Just head outside when you’re done getting dressed, I’ll just go tell my assistant some stuff, but I’ll meet up with you outside my door.”

I nodded, and when he shut the door, I tugged on the hoodie as instructed, and pulled the hood up over the cap on my head. I looked at myself on a reflective surface, and I murmured to myself what Hiro told me.

“Not Tadashi without the cap,” I said, wondering to myself what Hiro meant.

Did he mean me, or the brother he modelled me from?

* * *

After stuffing a few lollipops, bandages and a rubber ducky-shaped disinfectant bubble blower in my pockets and the hoodie’s front pocket, I stepped outside to find Hiro talking with the dark-skinned assistant from the other day animatedly, the lowerclassman’s green eyes shining with excitement as he nodded enthusiastically. Hiro handed him a thick hardbound book with his name on it, nodding, his eyes set.

“I want you to give this to the Professor.” He was saying as I approached them. “Tell him that’s my thesis paper, I’ll leave it up to him when my thesis defence will be.”

“You got it,” Ricki winked at him, perking up upon noticing me. “Oh, hey!” he waved at me, and I smiled and waved back as Hiro turned to look at me. “I see you’re working wonderfully.”

“Thank you,” I replied, nodding courteously, “Are we ready to go, Hiro?” I asked, and he nodded briskly.

“Go, Ricki.” Hiro ushered his assistant away, “Try getting Abby to come too,” he grinned a little, “I think she’ll want to see this.”

“I’ll go up to Ma’am Callaghan after this,” Ricki nodded, bowing a little to Hiro. “See you later, Senpai,” he grinned at me and gave me a salute. “See you later, buddy!”

“See you later,” I replied, giving him a small wave and smiling as Hiro and I watched him bounce away. “He looks very excited.” I commented, and Hiro snickered a little.

“I just had him pass my final manuscript.” He replied, and my eyes widened.

“That’s wonderful,” I smiled, and Hiro grinned at me, clearly proud.

“Finished early.” He simply replied, before slipping his hand into mine. “Come on, I’ll take you outside for a walk around, let you see a few things and interact with stuff before I take you to the real challenge.”

I blinked. “What real challenge?” I asked.

“You’ll see.”

Hiro’s neurotransmitter levels were elevated, and he was grinning such a true smile at me. I smiled back at him, and nodded, letting him lead me outside without a single worry.

I trust Hiro. There was nothing to be frightened about.

* * *

“So, why are there stuff in your pockets?” Hiro asked me a few minutes after I had calmed down enough to finally get used to the sensory overload that was the outside. The two of us were sitting at a bench at the top of a gently sloping hill in the campus gardens, watching a few students play Frisbee, and some families walking around with their children to enjoy the warm summer day.

I pulled out a plaster bandage from my pocket to inspect it. It had Baymax’s face as a design on it, and smiling a little, I shrugged. “I am a healthcare provider, Hiro. It pays to be careful.”

Hiro hummed thoughtfully at that, and took a deep, content breath.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, leaning on my side heavily, and I took a moment to think about it.

I calculated the pressure Hiro’s weight was exerting on my skin, on my inner biomimetic muscles. I measured the warmth of his body against mine relative to the external environment. I scanned his neurotransmitter levels. I took a moment to look at his relaxed expression, and I smiled.

“Content.”

Hiro looked up at me, and mirrored my smile.

“I’m glad.” He simply said, getting off me to stand up. “Well, we better get going.” He said, stretching for a long moment, listening to his joints pop with no small amount of satisfaction. “I wanna take you to the nerd lab.”

I cocked my head at that. “Why?”

“I wanna surprise someone.” Hiro grinned, and I stood up to follow him.

He walked ahead of me, a bounce in his step, and I couldn’t help but smile—

But then my scanners picked up a sound of distress. I whirled around to see a little girl in the grass, crying her eyes out as she held her knee, where I could see a mild epidermal abrasion on it, clearly causing her pain.

I cast a glance at Hiro, and then at the girl, and considered my options.

Hiro was my master, and he told me to follow him, but all his functions were fine.

The little girl was not my master, she hadn’t ordered me to do anything, but she was in a state of distress.

My programming fizzed for a moment, and it decided for me to head to the girl’s side. I walked up to her and knelt down beside her, gently hushing her as I stroked her hair, catching her attention and stopping her sobs.

“Hi,” I gently told her, smiling, “My name is Tadashi. I heard a sound of distress, are you okay?”

She blinked at me for a long moment, before looking down at her knee. “I… fell over.” She mumbled, her voice thick with a Japanese accent and stumbling around the English words with great difficulty, and I chuckled a little.

“You should be a little more careful,” I told her in Japanese, and she sniffled a little, but looked relieved, understanding me better as I gently pulled her hands away from her injury. “Here. I’ll make it better.”

I pulled out the rubber ducky disinfectant from my hoodie pocket. “This will make it better.” I told her, and blew through the mouthpiece on it, bubbles of dilute antibacterial spray blossoming from the duck’s beak, lighting the girl’s eyes up in joy as she watched the bubbles land on her abrasion with a gentle pop.

It cleaned up her wound, and didn’t hurt one bit.

“Here,” I handed her a lollipop. She nodded a little shyly, and I patted her head gently, pressing a soft kiss to a patch of uninjured skin next to her wound. “A kiss to make things better.”

She giggled a little, and gave me a hug. “Thank you, nii-san.” She told me, and I smiled, and hugged her back, helping her get up on her feet. She gave me a bow one more time before she rushed away from me, lollipop in her mouth, towards her mother, who was looking at her worriedly, relief washing over her face when her daughter rushed into her arms.

I smiled as I watched her mother fuss over her, and suddenly I heard a chuckle beside me.

“Couldn’t resist helping, couldn’t you?” Hiro spoke up beside me, knocking our shoulders together, and I laughed sheepishly.

“I’m a healthcare provider,” I told him, letting him sling an arm around my shoulder as he waved at the woman, who had noticed us and waved back, thanking us for helping her daughter. “I was made to care for the sick and injured.”

“I know.” Hiro replied simply, “So selfless.” He sighed a little bitterly at that, so I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and gave them a squeeze. His smile lifted in mood a little at that.

“Mama, the man in the picture helped me! He kissed my knee and made it all better!” I could the girl tell her mother as she let her be carried in her arms as the two of them walked away.

“Man in the picture?” I echoed, turning to look at Hiro, and he chuckled a little.

“You’ll find out eventually.” He punched my arm lightly. “C’mon, we’re running late, and I still have to buy a box of cupcakes.”

“What for?” I asked, and Hiro winked at me.

“We’re gonna play a prank, brother,” he said, “And we’re gonna _kill it_.”

He skipped away, snickering, as I stood there, blinking at him, stupefied.

Hiro called me his brother.

Something stirred in my circuitry in my access port, sparks bursting in arrhythmic patterns across gaps and junctions, as _something_ brewed in the data streaming through my processor at breakneck speeds.

Hiro called me _his brother_.

“Come on!” Hiro had turned around to grin at me brightly, looking like a young, happy child once more, and something ached inside me. “Catch up, buddy! This is gonna be _awesome_!”

I don’t think he even realised.

Still, I moved the memory log to the backmost space of my hard drive, my mind calculating the emotion corresponding to the rush of thoughts in my programming.

This memory was mine to keep, for as long as I will have it.

* * *

Hiro had given me specific instructions on what to do that evening:

  1.        Carry a box of cupcakes he bought that afternoon into the nerd lab after a spoken cue: “I brought a surprise with me today!”
  2.        Greet everyone in there with a bright smile and ask what was up.
  3.        Make some comment about how hot it was (even if it wasn’t).
  4.        Make sure to continue acting as normal and that **_nothing was wrong_**.



I wasn’t really sure how to make of this, but I did as I was told.

When I heard his voice say the cue words, I stepped inside, the box open in my hands and a shy smile on my face. I saw four pairs of eyes stare at me in shock as I shut the door behind me quietly, shrugging a little, embarrassed under the sudden attention of the four people inside, and held up the cupcakes I had in my hands.

“Hot day today, isn’t it?” I asked, and there was a beat of tense silence, and hell began.

A tall woman with long blonde hair burst into tears and immediately rushed towards me, pulling me into a hug that was _tight_. I hurriedly set the cupcakes down on the nearest flat surface so they wouldn’t get damaged. Another woman, this time short, curvy and had black hair in a pixie cut stood there in shocked silence gaping at me. A tall man with dreadlocks burst into tears in his own spot, and a blond man with a beanie simply sat there and stared at me.

I knew it was important to obey Hiro’s commands, but when I scanned the four of them and found alarming rates of depression in their neurotransmitter levels, I overrode the execution protocol in favour of the healthcare protocol and immediately took action.

I paid attention first to the woman in my arms.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, “What’s the matter?”

For some reason, that seemed to break the spell that had fallen over the four of them, and the woman in my arms pulled away from me, cupped my face in her shaking hands and stared at me _hard_ , as the other three slowly settled down into their seats on their own rolling chairs, Hiro’s at the middle of them all, looking at me a little apologetically as I looked at them frantically.

“I’m detecting a steady decrease in neurotransmitter levels in you all,” I explained, to diffuse the situation, but then the woman let go of my face, as if the mere touch of it burned her.

Cass’s horror-struck eyes were mirrored in her own wide green ones, and she staggered backwards, the black-haired woman standing up quickly to catch her and slowly settle her down onto an empty rolling chair, which I assumed was hers.

“… So,” Hiro awkwardly cleared his throat, looking nervous. “Everyone, this is Tadashi. Tadashi, these are my friends.”

I looked at the four people staring up at me in varying degrees of horror and shock, and withered a little.

They were scared of me.

They were going to hate me.

“Hi.” I softly said, and I saw them all visibly flinch. “My name is Tadashi. I’m…” I cast a glance at Hiro, who nodded at me. “I’m a personal healthcare provider, similar to Baymax.”

I could see realisation dawning on their faces, and a steady increase in neurotransmitter levels. Explaining myself seemed to be making them feel better.

Assured by that, I continued, “My creator, Hiro Hamada, created me as an android capable of emotion and empathizing with patients in order to facilitate a sure and well recovery from any form of illness.” I walked up to the black man, who was staring at me in a frightened manner, and I gave him a small, sheepish smile, before adjusting his seat so he was sitting a little more comfortably. “I am also equipped to help my patients in any way I can, and a defence protocol is also available for physical protection against assailants, if necessary.”

There was a long moment of silence, and I nervously shuffled on my feet. “Say something?” I ventured, and the black-haired woman was the first to speak.

“Trust Hiro to make a weaponized healthcare provider.” She scoffed. “That’s your final thesis project?”

And just like that, the tension dissipated, and Hiro’s nervous expression melted into relief. I walked over to his side to let him rest his head on my arm, as the other four adjusted themselves to shuffle closer to us to look at me better.

“Yeah.” Hiro replied, his tone tired, and looked up at me. “He’s… my masterpiece.”

If I could flush, I would, but what he said gave me a rush of affection through my coding.

“For a second, I really thought Tadashi had come back to life or something,” the blond man laughed, relieved, grinning tiredly as he patted the black man’s shoulder reassuringly. “You did some _awesome_ work on this bot, Hiro.”

“Yeah, took me a really long time to get him like this,” Hiro explained.

“Hiro…” the blonde woman finally spoke up, “You nearly gave me a _heart attack_.”

Hiro looked apologetic. “I’m really sorry, Honey.” He paused, “I’m really sorry, all of you. For scaring you. I, uh, I wanted to pass this off as a joke at the start, to make things light, but then Honey started crying, and well, I sorta panicked.” Hiro sighed, “I’m glad Tadashi overrode his orders to carry out his healthcare protocol.”

The four smiled at him sadly, and the black-haired woman got up from her seat to walk up to Hiro. I pulled away from him and pulled him into a hug.

“Hiro, it’s okay.” She told him, squeezing him once before pulling back to return to her place. “… Are _you_ okay?”

I looked at my master, frowning a little as Hiro deflated a little. I returned to his side to let him cuddle into my side, sighing into the fabric of my clothes that smelled like his brother, breathing in the memory of his brother from my skin.

“Not really.” Hiro admitted, “This project was a bad idea from the start, but…” he looked at me, “I’m not regretting it either.”

The black man got up to ruffle Hiro’s hair comfortingly. “I don’t know what to do with you, Hiro.” He chuckled, and my master laughed sheepishly. “You need to take care of yourself more—and maybe next time, a little word of warning before you scare us all to death with surprises like him?” he gestured at me, and Hiro laughed helplessly.

“I’ll try.” He replied, and the man looked fondly exasperated at his answer. He left Hiro’s side and looked me over.

“He’s impressive, Hiro.” He finally said after a long moment, and smiled at me. “I’m sorry we all scared you.”

I blinked, suddenly confused. “You’re… sorry for scaring… me?”

”Yeah,” he shrugged, dreadlocks bouncing, “You’re able to feel emotions, aren’t you? Our reactions must have really triggered your fear sectors.” He looked a little apologetic. “We’re sorry we worried or scared you in any way.”

My eyes were wide.

“You… care?” My voice could not break, but if it was made of cartilage, it would crumble, like cracked plaster, chips tumbling to the ground at the force of the tremors my voice would make.

Perhaps, if I could cry, this was the part my eyes would well up with tears.

The man smiled at me and squeezed my shoulder. “Well, I think as friends, we should.”

“Friends?” I echoed, “I’m, I’m just a—”

“Hey, Baymax is our friend.” The blond man spoke up, index finger up matter-of-factly, grinning. “You can be our friend too, Tada-bot.”

“Tada-bot?” I let a chuckle escape my voice and the grins that blossomed on their faces put an end to the stimulation of the data with my fear programming and began stirring my happiness to life.

“Yeah. I think that’s a pretty cool nickname. Right, Hiro?” the blond grinned at Hiro, who laughed against my sleeve.

“ _Laaame_.” He drawled, but there was no venom in his voice, as the blond spluttered indignantly. The black man in front of me laughed good-naturedly, before gesturing at himself.

“I’m Wasabi.” He told me, “It’s nice to meet you again, Tadashi.”

I smiled at him, and took the hand he offered me to shake. “The pleasure is mine.”

Wasabi grinned at that. “That’s the first thing he told me, too.”

Him, again.

My smile disappeared a little when he stepped aside to gesture at the blond with the beanie. “This is Fred.”

“What’s up, Tada-bot!” The blond grinned, giving me a peace sign. Uneasily, I mirrored his action, earning me chuckles from the other people with me, and I laughed a little at that.

“I’m Gogo.” The black-haired woman spoke up, giving me a mock salute.

“And I’m Honey Lemon.” The blonde added, also getting up to hold my hand warmly. Her body temperature was high, but it was still within the normal range. “I’m sorry I reacted like that when I saw you.”

“It’s alright.” I told her, smiling to reassure her. “Crying is a natural response to pain.”

She smiled at me sadly, and let go of me to spread her arms. “Can I have one more hug?”

“Of course.” I nodded, and stepped into her embrace. I felt her squeeze me tightly, as if she was reassuring herself of something, and suddenly I heard Fred’s voice call out.

“Group hug!” he yelled, and suddenly there were three more pairs of arms wrapping around me as Wasabi, Fred and Gogo all hugged me alongside Honey Lemon, and something welled up inside my programming, the stimulus acceptor seemingly bursting with… _something_ I couldn’t place.

I turned to look at Hiro, lost, and he simply smiled at me, tears in his eyes, but when I scanned him, his neurotransmitter levels were fine.

He was crying because he was happy.

I looked to my new friends, and they were all so, so happy.

A smile blossomed on my face, and I turned to look back at Hiro as they let me go.

“Tadashi, how are you feeling?” he asked, and my smile widened.

If I had tears, I would cry like they were.

“Loved.”

* * *

They ate cupcakes and watched bad TV shows using Fred’s laptop and the projector they had in the lab while Hiro was cuddled in my arms and everyone else was piled on Baymax, and everything was happy.

Like this, I thought, it was nice to be human.

I let Hiro snuggle closer to myself, and watched everyone simply settle against each other, solid, warm weights tethering each other to one another, and I blinked imaginary moisture out of my eyes.

This was such a beautiful sight, but I was not supposed to be here.

 _He_ was.

If I could cry, then I would have, right then and there.

Unfortunately, I could only feel.

Hiro’s phone buzzed against my thigh, and I picked it up to hand it to Hiro. Gently I prodded his cheek, and he groaned a little, looking up at me with the beginnings of a line of drool from the corner of his mouth with eyes that looked ready for sleep.

I chuckled and slipped his phone into his hand. “Someone texted.”

Hiro lazily lifted his phone and looked at the message, and his eyes widened.

“Tadashi,” he hissed, grinning as he sat up, “Look.”

[Ricki Ishigaki – 7:34PM] _– senpai you did it omg the thesis is signed and approved! Your defence is during the SFIT showcase—you won best thesis!_

My eyes widened, and Hiro’s grin was as wide as ever. “That’s amazing.” I nodded.

Hiro beamed, proud of himself.

“I can’t wait,” he told me quietly, conspiratorially, and I chuckled against his hair.

“We should celebrate.” I told him, and he nodded against my cardigan.

“We should, yeah.” He agreed. “I’ll go talk to Ricki about it tomorrow.”

I nodded, and let him turn his attention back to the projector screen as around us his friends laughed loudly. I looked around to see Baymax looking at me, and I smiled at him, giving him a small nod.

He bowed his head, closing his eyes, and that was as close as I could get to a smile from him.

I turned my attention back to the screen and tried to be happy.

I was proud of Hiro, truly.

But the person who should have been here with him was his brother.

Not me.

* * *

“Good night, Tadashi.” Hiro whispered to me later that night, and I smiled back at him.

“Good night, Hiro.” I replied, and when I deactivated, I was left wondering if robots could dream.

(And if they did, would that make them as human as they were made to be.)


	7. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an·ger  
> /ˈaNGɡər/  
> noun
> 
> a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
> 
> _This was a bad idea. He knew this was a bad idea from the start, from the moment he drew the android's blueprints, or maybe even before that, back during the time he even dared step into his brother's part of the room, the part that had already been closed off for so long, the part he thought he had left behind for the years to come._
> 
> _Staring at the man's broken wrist, Hiro realised how wrong he was that he could handle this._
> 
> _The only way that could fix this was if Ricki would say_ yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg sorry i took a while guys i hope you guys enjoy this one ughhhhh it's just bot fighting but,,,,,,,,,,, idk huhuhu
> 
> also there are more original characters and i'm trashy but yeah there they are have fun please enjoy
> 
> there are two more chapters to go,,,,, haha /////sweats and then it's time for kiseki so yeha more fun i guess????? idk
> 
> hhhhh i'm not a huge fan of this chapter either but what can we do eh eh eh eh eh e h

“Good morning, Tadashi!” a voice other than Hiro’s greeted me as I woke up, my eyes opening to reveal to me who it was who woke me up. A smile crossed my face as I looked into the familiar green eyes of my creator’s assistant.

“Hi, Ricki.” I said, sitting up to find myself on Hiro’s work table to realise he wasn’t around. “Is there anything you need?”

“Yeah, uh, I was gonna ask you if you didn’t mind something.” He replied, scratching the back of his head, laughing nervously.

“I am programmed to be understanding of many situations,” I smiled at him, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “Is something up?”

“Yeah, uh, well, _no_ —” Ricki stammered, and shook his head, “Um. What if Hiro and I went out tonight, and, uh, would you mind?”

“Went out?” I blinked. “Oh, like on a date?”

Ricki’s skin darkened in a flush and I could detect an increase in his body’s temperature.

“N-no, nothing like that!” he blurted out, and I chuckled.

“You’re exasperated.” I said to him, patting his shoulder. “It’s okay to be embarrassed—embarrassment is a natural response to conversations about your love life.”

“This went in a bad direction,” Ricki muttered, running his hand down his face, before sighing deeply. “No, okay—forget that last part, Tadashi.”

I cocked my head as he paced a little around me to think, and only then did I realise what he was wearing.

“Why are you wearing a happi coat?” I asked, and he stopped completely, allowing me sight of a stylised lotus blooming around a character written in calligraphy—Ren— _the lotus_.

He turned to let me see the sarashi around his midriff, and a half-mask that was pulled down under his chin. I blinked.

“Uh,” he began, nervously looking around the room, and I hummed.

“Is there a festival happening?” I asked, after running a quick search query on his clothes. “According to my local calendar for San Fransokyo, there aren’t any coming up this month—” I stopped when I saw a result for the symbol on Ricki’s back, and my eyes widened.

“… Bot fighting.” I blurted out as images of that insignia appeared in an article about bot fighting, and Ricki’s face looked completely _mortified_. “… You’re going bot fighting?”

“Ack, I knew I shouldn’t have beat around the bush,” he grumbled, sighing. “Yeah. Okay, fine. Hiro and I are going out tonight to this big bot fight to celebrate his thesis.”

“You could get arrested!” I yelled, “Bot fighting is illegal in most states in many countries!”

“Yeah, we know,” Ricki replied weakly, and I frowned at him, crossing my arms as silence filled the air between us. “… How are you feeling?” he feebly attempted, and I deflated, shaking my head as he rested his back against the table beside me.

“Annoyed,” I replied truthfully, “I can’t believe you and Hiro engage in this illegal activity.”

“Hey, it’s fun,” Ricki defended, “And that’s how we met, actually.”

I stopped at that, and cocked my head. The black-haired teen snickered, and shook his head fondly. “Yeah, about two years ago he wiped the floor with me using his Megabot,” he shrugged, “I’m just glad he didn’t totally wreck Ren—that’s my bot, by the way—and I told him we had a good game afterwards. His face was totally _priceless_ ,” he guffawed, and I smiled a little at that. “Anyway, he ran into a spot of trouble with some of the dudes there and I bailed him out. That’s how we found out we were students in SFIT and, well, the rest follows,” he winked at me. “Our friendship’s anything but normal,”

“And legal,” I added, and he let out a loud laugh at that.

“Yeah, true, but it’s something.” Ricki sighed, “I’m just glad I’m able to help him out with… everything with him right now. It’s nice to have friends.”

I hummed in agreement, and for a while we were comfortably quiet.

“Hey, Hiro actually likes bot fighting because it’s fun, I promise.” Ricki said after a long moment, and while my expression turned grim, I understood him. “It’s one of the few things that help him let off steam.” He pushed off the table to smile at me sheepishly. “You won’t believe the stress BH6 work puts on him, but with bot fighting, it’s literally just letting it all go.”

“… Will going to this bot fight improve Hiro’s emotional wellbeing?” I asked after a long moment of consideration, and Ricki’s face lit up.

“You bet,” he gave me a thumbs-up, before grabbing my hand and getting me to stand up. “Now, c’mon. Senpai asked me to pick you up here, and we’re kinda late. He’s gonna meet up with us at the spot in,” he checked his watch, “Ten minutes?”

“Where are we going, anyway?” I asked.

“Oh, uh. Wakayama drive?” Ricki laughed, and I gaped at him.

“That road is 30 blocks away!” I told him, “How are we going to get there in ten minutes?”

Ricki winked at me. “We take the Smart way.”

* * *

Hiro looked…  _different_ , almost unrecognisable, when we arrived at the alley’s mouth, dropping in from the sky using one of Ricki’s inventions, the SmartHook, a rope-pulley system using electromagnetics that made our travel from SFIT to Wakayama Drive less than 7 minutes to complete. Along the way Ricki had mentioned it was Spider-Man’s swinging that inspired him to do it, nearly missing a target he shot a rope at by how hard he was laughing when I mentioned how biologically impossible Spider-Man was.

“That’s what Hiro said, too,” he had said, “And he called me a loser for trying to make it, but here we are, flying like a buncha spider-men through the city.”

Ricki, I think, is a good friend for Hiro. Still, I found it odd I couldn’t read Ricki’s hormone and neurotransmitter levels.

I’ll ask Hiro about it later. I think my scanner’s being jammed.

“Hey, you made it,” Hiro said through a mask pulled up to cover half his face, showing to me only his eyes, but I knew he was smiling. “How was the SmartHook?” he elbowed me, snickering as I took in what he was wearing: a black haori on top of a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans that had a few rips and tears in them. An emblem different for Ricki’s was on Hiro’s shoulder, this time a stylised art for what seemed to be Hiro’s Megabot.

“It was smooth sailing,” Ricki scoffed, pulling up his own mask, which had a cartoonish grin on it, a green tongue sticking out one side of the closed mouth.

“I wasn’t asking you, turdblossom,” Hiro snidely bit back, but with a laugh, the two gave each other a fist bump. Hiro turned his attention back to me, and held out his fist to me too.

I blinked at it for a moment, before realising he wanted me to bump it too. I closed my hand into a fist and lightly hit it against Hiro’s, before jumping a little when he made a whooshing sound and waggled his fingers away from me.

I mirrored his action, wiggling my fingers as I moved it away from him. “Whoosh?” I ventured, and Hiro laughed kindly.

“Baymax says ba-la-la-la.” He said, before patting my back, “You got a face mask there somewhere? We can’t have anyone recognising us.”

I pulled out a surgical mask from my back pocket, and Hiro chuckled. “That’ll do.” he nodded, gesturing for me to put it on. I did as I was told, and Hiro took a step back to nod at me.

“Looking good.” He winked, and I laughed, shaking my head exasperatedly. “How are you feeling, Tadashi?”

“Exasperated.” I replied, “For the both of you.”

Hiro snickered, and patted my arm. “He was like that too.” He gave me a thumbs-up. “Don’t worry, if we run into trouble—we’ve got your defence protocol and Ricki’s SmartHook.” He turned on his heel and gestured for me to follow him and Ricki, the lowerclassman already walking ahead of us towards a crowd that was steadily building up in size at the end of the alleyway.

“Stay close,” Hiro winked at me, “And just lay low for a sec. Jinpachi’s coming over soon and they’ll be there to keep you off most of the muggers’ scent while we go on cleanup.”

“Clean-up?” I echoed, “I thought this was a bot fight?”

“Meaning we’ll be wiping the floor with these bastards.” Ricki snickered at me, before turning to look at Hiro. “Ready when you are, bud.”

“Your call,” Hiro replied, gesturing to the crowd with a flourish. “I did it last time.”

“Fine, fine.” Ricki rolled his eyes, “But you’re helping me make my Vines for tonight.”

“Sure, sure.” Hiro hung back to stand next to me, crossing his arms and looking smug as he leant against my side. Together we watched Ricki approach the crowd, and put a bot down to the ground. “Watch this,” Hiro snickered, elbowing me, and, blinking in uncertainty, I did as I was told.

“Miss us?” Ricki bellowed, and the whip of something metallic punctuated his step through the crowd, people parting easily with mixed looks of shock, fear, awe, and intimidation. “It’s us again!”

Hiro stepped forward, Megabot following after his heels, and I followed after him as he stood beside Ricki, staring down everything with a hardened glare.

The data in my programming skipped—sparked— _stopped_.

This wasn’t Hiro.

“Kuukai.” A tall, slim woman with an eye patch drawled around a cigarette between her lips, the white paper of her roll smeared with red lipstick. “Masao. It’s good to see you.”

“You know it.” Ricki nodded, slinging his arm over Hiro’s shoulder, who didn’t even budge or react. I couldn’t even read a change in his neurotransmitter levels.

I gaped at them as Ricki chatted with the woman, the people dispersing as the fighter began their own hasty preparations of their bots, many of them looking nervous, but determined.

These two. Here, they weren’t Hiro Hamada and Ricki Ishigaki, tech genius and assistant.

Here, they were bot fighters.

I could hear murmurs around me, and filtering the layers of noise I could pick up two names.

Riku Kuukai, the Speed Vine of New Yosaka.

Masao, the Lone Cub of San Fransokyo.

Ricki and Hiro had a reputation.

Something sparked inside me, and I looked down at my hands as they balled into fists. They weren’t supposed to have this kind of a reputation. They were—they were both _19_ , for goodness’ sake. They were supposed to be doing what any other 19-year-old should be doing, hanging out with friends at the mall, or inventing something new, or just… be anywhere other than _here_.

I looked at the two of them, Ricki looking every sense of a social butterfly, while Hiro stayed completely silent, cold and still as he listened to Ricki talk or glared at people walking by them, glaring at him with the same intensity, and I couldn’t help but want to approach them, to pull them out of there, away from people twice their size and just as ready to pummel them to the ground for no other reason than sore defeat.

Beside me I felt a tug at my sleeve and I turned to see a kimono-clad person with bluish shoulder-length hair, pulled back with a sakura-styled hair accessory smirking at me. “And you must be Tadashi. Masao told me about you.” They said, smoke curling from their lips, and I frowned, and sighed.

“Smoking is bad for your health,” I told them, and the stranger blinked, before laughing daintily into the back of their wrist.

“So you _are_ a healthcare companion.” They nodded, “I’m impressed.” They held their hand out for him to shake. “My name’s Jinpachi, Masao asked me to keep you company tonight while he and Riku wiped some losers into the ground.”

I looked at Jinpachi’s obi, and frowned. “… It’s tied at the front.”

They blinked at me, before laughing coyly. “Perceptive, but honey, you’re not my type.” They patted my cheek, and led me to a sofa with a good view of the ring, where the first two fighters were getting ready. Hiro, holding a phone and looking like he was filming something, was standing to the side of Ricki, who was sitting cross-legged from a man in a suit too clean for this alley.

“First up,” the thin woman called to the crowd as they fell to an eerie silence, “Riku Kuukai, versus—Joshua Sachs!”

A purple bot was placed in front of Ricki’s, which looked like a lotus blooming from a pad. A paper umbrella was spun between the bots slowly, as money clinked in a porcelain bowl being passed around the crowd. It reached to where Jinpachi and I were, and Jinpachi threw in a few coins before handing it to me. I looked at them, lost on what to do, but then they just shrugged and gestured at the bowl, before turning to watch the bot fight. I frowned and looked at the bowl, before deciding to just put in a piece of candy I had in my back pocket.

I handed the bowl back to the crowd, just as the thin woman yelled, “Fight!”

I snapped back to look at the ring to see Ricki staring down his opponent, his thumbs flying over the controls as his lotus burst to life, blooming into a flower of gnashing and whirring sharp metal pieces with vines growing right out of the side of it.

For the most of the battle, Ricki’s Ren was immobile, parrying attacks with more and more vines growing out of its base, but when the opponent’s main body managed to get past its defences, the lotus snapped open once more, leant forward and ground the bot’s head into slivers of metal, trapping the rest of the body in a vice-like grip as it thrashed, before it completely broke, falling apart and limp in the vines. Eyes glittering with the clear indication he was grinning under his mask, Ricki put his controller down, and the lotus resumed its bud-like state, and the vines returned to their base.

“I win.” He declared simply, and the crowd burst into cheering. The dark-skinned teen laughed cheerfully, taking from Hiro his phone and looking at the video as Hiro took the bowl of money, opening it—and pausing, before looking at me.

I could detect a rise in his neurotransmitter levels, and I gave him a thumbs-up before giving him a small wave.

His shoulders shook in light laughter as he pulled out my candy, showing it to Ricki, who laughed and showed me a peace sign.

They collected the money, and soon it was Hiro’s turn to fight, and just like Ricki’s fight before, Ricki was taking a video of it this time, laughing at something Hiro told him, before waving at him dismissively, urging him to get started with the battle.

And with another bot—this time it was green—placed in front of him, its owner looking a little worried but determined, the bot fight began.

Much to my shock, Hiro was even more brutal than Ricki had been, charging right forward with his Megabot breaking into three parts, separate and moving like mad, running circles around the larger, bulkier frog-like bot, until it lost its balance, and timing—and, essentially _the whole game_ —when Hiro took his chance, systematically dismantling the bot part by part with every segment of Megabot until only the head was left, weakly twitching and unable to move.

Hiro put his controller down, and didn’t say a word.

“Winner—Masao!” the thin woman declared, and the crowd burst into cheering, as beside me, Jinpachi daintily clapped their hands.

“Masao’s good, isn’t he?” they asked me, and I nodded absently, watching Hiro silently collect the money and slip it into a bag he and Ricki shared. “The thing was, from what I heard a long while back, he used to totally wreck his opponents’ bots.”

I blinked, and cocked my head. “What do you mean?”

“His Megabot did _more_ than just take apart enemy bots. He would take bits off bots and then _beat them with it_. His old method totally breaks anyone’s bot he’s ever went up against.” Jinpachi took a drag of their cigarette, and tapped out ash onto the ground. “He broke even that Ren bot Riku has—and no one can even see where that thing starts and ends.”

I peered back at Hiro’s Megabot, and then at Ricki’s Ren, the two bots leaning against each other at the side of the ring under Hiro’s watchful eye as Ricki goaded on any more poor bastards willing to fight them.

“He was ruthless when he fought. It’s a bit of a shame he doesn’t quite break things the same way anymore.” Jinpachi chuckled, shaking their head.

“Why did he stop?” I asked, and Jinpachi shrugged, their sakura hair accessory’s tiny bells jingling as they moved.

“He stopped totally wrecking stuff about a year ago.” Jinpachi hummed, “I don’t know why he suddenly changed, but I think you’ll have better luck asking Riku questions, seeing as they’re pretty close.”

While it made me happy that Hiro had such great friends—the nerd lab people, Honey Lemon, Wasabi, Gogo, Fred—even Ricki, it made my programming glitch with noise at the thought of him still being out here anyway, seeking solace in the dangerous, where it made him happy.

I want him to be happy—but not like this. Never like this.

Not when it could harm him, seriously _hurt_ him.

I wasn’t programmed to let things like that slide.

I crossed my arms, frowning. Jinpachi peered at me past long eyelashes, and sighed. “Hey, buddy, how are you feeling?” they asked me, and I looked at them, carefully considering if they knew about that query protocol, but they really genuinely looked concerned.

“… Furious.” I admitted, and Jinpachi looked sympathetic, their brow knotting and answering my response with a solemn nod. “I’m just—Hi—” I stopped, and tried again, “ _Masao_ and Riku… they’re just kids. They’re not supposed to be here. They’re not supposed to be having a _reputation_ in a place like this.” Jinpachi squeezed my hand, and sighed, leaning against my arm.

“That’s what I said when I first met them,” they murmured, peering at them as a new bot fight began between a self-proclaimed genius and Hiro. “I recognised Masao from way back, actually, when he was just a kid and milking that innocent-kid act for all it was worth.” They took a drag of their cigarette, and I had had enough. I plucked the stick out from between their fingers, snuffed it out between mine, and tossed it aside. Jinpachi looked at me, eyes wide, before laughing, patting my arm kindly.

“Smoking is bad for your health.” I told them again, petulantly, and they nodded.

“Yeah, I know.” They told me, smoke billowing from their lips. “Masao’s real name is Hiro, isn’t it? Hiro Hamada?”

I gaped at them, and they chuckled, “It’s not that hard to tell when that was the name he was using when he was 14 and kicking bot ass left and right a few years ago.” They replied easily, “Kanako and I go way back in bot fighting.” They gestured at the thin woman as she declared Hiro the winner of the fight, and more money went into Hiro and Ricki’s bag. “We’ve been holding these fights ever since they started in San Fransokyo, and Hiro’s really hard to forget.”

Kanako pulled Hiro and Ricki aside to talk to them, and I caught Hiro’s gaze directed at me. My brow furrowed when I scanned him—his neurotransmitter levels were high up.

That was supposed to be a good thing. Physiologically, it meant he was happy.

But he wasn’t supposed to be happy _here_.

Jinpachi was also looking at them, and they sighed. “Bot fighting rings aren’t the right place for children.” They declared, and I nodded. “But Masao, and Riku, they could take care of themselves. At least, when they found each other.”

“How about before that?” I asked, and Jinpachi chuckled.

“Masao used to have this older brother that would bail him out when he’d get into sticky situations.” Jinpachi frowned as they hummed in thought. “What was his name again? Uh,”

“Tadashi.” I breathed, and Jinpachi nodded, lighting up.

“Ah, yeah, him!” they replied, “Tadashi, just like Masa—oh.”

Jinpachi paused, and looked at me, before reaching forward to pull down my mask. I could see something break in their eyes, and with a sad expression, they let go of my mask. I pulled it back up to hide the frown on my face as I detected a sharp drop of neurotransmitter levels in my companion.

“Tadashi.” They sighed, “He would bail Hiro out whenever he could. The worst scrape they ever got out of hand had Hiro walking home with a black eye and Tadashi with a gash down his knee.”

I felt something spark in the gaps of my programming, and held Jinpachi’s shoulders.

“Jinpachi, I—”

“Hey, did you know?” Jinpachi asked softly, “Masao’s written with Tadashi’s name’s characters.”

I frowned, and squeezed their shoulders a little tighter.

“I knew.” I told them.

We shared a quiet moment together, and I could feel my anger ebb away in the slightest, when suddenly chaos erupted from where the ring was. I jolted, as Jinpachi pulled away from me, already on their feet and rushing towards the ring. I hurried after them, avoiding anyone in my way while Jinpachi pushed or shoved anyone aside.

“Kanako?” Jinpachi asked, as we skidded to a halt in front of the thin eye patched woman. “What’s going on?”

“Pachi, your dad’s gang is here again.” She scowled, and Jinpachi’s expression faltered. “They’re causing trouble, and I think if they lose anything we could seriously get into—”

“Fight!” we heard the crowd suddenly chanting, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

“What’s going—” I began to ask, when Jinpachi pressed their hand to my mouth. I could still talk even if they did that, but I never got to, when they pointed to where the crowd gathered.

Another makeshift ring was set up, and on one side a large mountain of a man sat in front of an equally large bot, as beside him another man, a little less large but still just as hulking, sat in front of a complimentary bot.

Across them, much to my chagrin, were Hiro and Ricki, the both of them glaring hard down at the men across them, controllers in their hands. Neither of them were looking as confident as they did back before these men came, and panic seared through my programming.

These men were of a completely different league.

I rushed to Ricki and Hiro’s side just as they threw their winnings bag in the direction of the bowl, and in answer to that, the mountainous man threw his own bag of money next to theirs.

“Masao,” I said and I could feel Hiro jolt. “Kuukai.”

“Riku’s fine,” Ricki mumbled to me, but I couldn’t detect any of the previous friendliness or warmth in his tone.

“We have to get you two out of here.” I told them, “Things could get dangerous.”

“We’ve got you,” Hiro told me quietly, while the two men across them murmured between themselves as well. “I’ve got full trust in you.”

“Hiro,” I hissed more quietly, and Ricki patted my shoulder.

“We’ve got around 20 minutes before the cops find us.” He told me. “We’ll hold him off before that, but in the meantime please tell Kanako and Jinpachi we don’t have much time. Looks like the SFPD’s analysis crew’s gotten better at analysing where my vines are being filmed.” He laughed dryly.

I peered at them both, but Hiro nodded.

“Go, get Kanako and Jinpachi out of here first, and then come back to us.”

I bit my lip, but I nodded. Hurriedly I returned to Jinpachi’s side.

“Jinpachi, Riku says we only have twenty minutes before the police arrive,” I told them, “They want you and Kanako to leave while you can.”

“Thanks,” Jinpachi nodded at me, patting my arm. “You get Masao and Riku out of here, too, before they get arrested.”

“Or beat up.” I sighed, and Jinpachi winked at me, before hurrying away to escape with Kanako. I hurried back to where Hiro and Ricki were, and much to my dismay, I could see them only barely making it through the battle, Ricki’s Ren pinned down at one side and Megabot cornered in the other, unable to help each other like they usually would.

Something clenched in my access port, and somehow the situation reminded me of what Jinpachi said—about how neither of them, just children, could take care of themselves in a place like a bot fighting ring—unless they had each other.

But it was strange, I thought, how could Megabot and Ren have been separated like that?

I peered at the two men fighting, and then at Hiro and Ricki, and realised that the two were having a hard time due to delayed responses with their bots. I scanned the area for anything jamming signals—and found a signal jammer in the larger man’s pocket.

“They’re cheating,” I declared, and Ricki and Hiro blinked, confused, but did not break their concentration on the ring. “The large man. He’s got a signal jammer in his pocket.”

“Yama, that bastard,” Ricki growled, “No wonder Ren can’t move too much.”

“Megabot, too.” Hiro frowned, “Tadashi.”

“Y-yeah, Hiro?” I asked, worried at what he’ll say, and Hiro peered at me over his shoulder.

“You’re equipped with a signal pulse and amplifier. Think you can fry the jammer?”

“But that would fry every bot in the area!” I hissed back, and Hiro winked at me.

“Not _every_ bot.” he looked intently and me, and I looked at him worriedly. “We’ll get away from here after you send out that pulse. We’re out of time.”

Wincing, I sent out the pulse, and just as predicted, the jammer, the two bots, Megabot _and_ Ren—as well as all the other bots the bot fighters had—sparked, fizzed, and died, and suddenly chaos ran loose.

“Come on!” Hiro grabbed my wrist and I followed after him, rushing into the darkness of the alley and catching him when he nearly fell over from swooping down low and grabbing _both_ bags of money off the floor before resuming the escape into the alley.

“Why did you take the money?” I panicked, and Hiro laughed.

“We won.” He said simply, gesturing at me. “Ours is the last bot standing.”

I sighed, exasperated, and he laughed, looking up overhead. I did the same, and we saw Ricki swinging across fire escapes, laughing brightly as behind us we could hear the sound of police sirens entering the alley, growing fainter as we ran further away.

We slowed to a stop when the sirens were a muted echo away, Hiro panting heavily but grinning, as Ricki landed beside us with the grace of a ton of bricks hitting the ground. The two boys laughed, slinging their arms over each other and leaning against the wall.

“You’ve got Ren and Megabot?” Hiro asked Ricki, and the lowerclassman mutely held up the two bots in his hand, limp and as dead as the other bots, but the two looked glad just to be out of there. “Awesome.” He pulled down his mask to grin at me. “That was fun.”

“And dangerous.” I scolded, “The two of you need to find a better hobby.”

Ricki laughed, and opened his mouth to say something, when his expression dropped, and his eyes widened. “Senpai, look out!” he yelled, pulling Hiro aside—

Only to accept a punch right to his face from one of the goons dressed similarly to the gang he and Hiro were fighting in the bot ring.

“Thought you could steal it all by cheatin’, huh,” the man slurred, and a quick scan of him revealed to me he was drunk. “Well, joke’s on you now!”

“Riku!” Hiro yelled, but Ricki shook his head, pulling Hiro aside as he nursed a bleeding nose past a smug smirk on his lips.

“I got this,” he said, and charged forward to throw a punch right at the drunkard’s face. The man stumbled back, groaning while Ricki recoiled, wincing as he held his wrist, and I tried scanning him—but I couldn’t.

What is going on?

Something skipped in my data, and when the drunkard lunged forward to attack Ricki again, I grabbed hold of his wrist, and snapped it.

I registered a spike in my sound receptors—a man screaming, and my scans picked it up as a sound of distress. I panicked, and realised I had hurt the man.

I gaped at Hiro, who blinked at me, wide-eyed.

“I…” I stopped, took a moment to consider, and tried again, “I did this.”

Ricki was also gaping at me, still holding onto his wrist and ignoring the dark liquid running down from his nose, but he managed to speak.

“Tadashi, set his wrist back.” He ordered.

I turned to look at the drunkard, and, slowly, did as I was told, tearing off a strip of the man’s shirt and ignoring the way he was blubbering in panic, and set his wrist into place, securing it with the cloth I tore. When I was done, I turned to look at Hiro again, who looked conflicted, panicked—

“Let’s go home, Tadashi.”

I could only nod as I let Hiro and Ricki lead me back to the Lucky Cat Café.

* * *

We climbed into Hiro’s bedroom through the window, silent as we gathered ourselves together. Hiro pulled off his haori and mask, throwing them to his bed. He tossed the bags of money off to the side somewhere, before heading to my side, peering at me with worried eyes.

“Tadashi,” he asked quietly, as out of the corner of my eye I saw Ricki sit down heavily on Hiro’s bed, setting down Ren and Megabot quietly beside him. “Tadashi, how are you feeling?”

“Disgusted.” I quietly admitted. “At myself, at what I’d done—at all this—”

“Tadashi.” Hiro quietly said, “You did what you had to.”

“And I’m grateful for it, really,” Ricki spoke up gingerly. “The guy could’ve knocked off my nose if you didn’t step in.”

I looked at Ricki, and then back at Hiro.

“I can’t get a reading on Ricki.” I told him, and Hiro’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help him.” I turned to look at Ricki, and bowed my head. “I don’t even know why I can’t help you. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Oh.” Ricki looked panicked, and Hiro turned to look at him. “… I think I gotta go.”

“Hey—wait, Ricki,” Hiro got up and managed to grab Ricki where he hurt his wrist. The dark-skinned underclassman winced, and looked at Hiro desperately, while my master looked at a loss, confused, and panicky. “Please don’t go. Wait, I, uh, I have to tell you something.”

“Hiro, you need to go fix Tadashi.” Ricki reasoned, and Hiro looked at me apologetically.

“… This time, he can wait.” Hiro said quietly, and I blinked.

“Hiro, I—”

“Good night, Tadashi.”

That was it. My shutdown protocol. I had no choice but to obey.

I hesitated, bit my lip, but conceded.

“Good night… Hiro.” I mumbled, and the last thing I saw was Hiro smiling at me apologetically, as the last bytes of visual data fell away to darkness.

The last thing I heard was Hiro shuffling on his feet, before saying, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now, Ricki…”

I thought back, as my battery turned off for the night, about what Hiro’s brother would have said if he had known he was never going to come back to him, to wake up to talk to him again the next day.

If it was me, I would tell him I loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More FYIs:  
> \- Riku Kuukai - 陸　空海 - lit. earth, sky and sea. It's a really bad Kingdom Hearts joke. (Riku, Sora and Kai(ri)).  
> \- Another bad joke is the fact that he's called the Speed Vine of New Yosaka. He rose to bot fighting popularity due to a Vine he posted of a 7-second bot fight. Now he's got a rep of doing fights really fast but that's not exactly true, because that 7-second fight only happened _that one time_.  
>  \- Masao - 正雄 - lit. true man, written with the characters for Tadashi's name.  
> \- I, uh, do I really have to explain the obi being tied up front, or...? Just google it for fun, it'll be interesting.  
> \- Jinpachi is a bad, bad joke. And yes, their father is Yama.  
> (To those who can't get the joke, Jinpachi Todou is a cyclist in Yowamushi Pedal who is a climber and calls himself a Mountain God.)  
> \- The SmartHook is, literally, the 3DMG from Attack on Titan, except the hooks are just electromagnets, which connect to anything metal to swing from. Have fun imagining how that would feel like, haha.  
> \- BTW, [this is a happi coat](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happi).


	8. Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> de·cep·tion  
> dəˈsepSH(ə)n/  
> noun  
> the action of deceiving someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man i wrote this in under half an hour im fuckin amazing

I woke up to the sound of screaming.

I jolted awake, my heart racing—and I froze.

I had a heart. A real, beating heart.

Panicked, I tried scanning the world around me, but I couldn’t feel anything. Just the feel of my fingers and palms clamming up and sweating, the feel of my heart pumping like never before—

I felt so _human_.

“What,” I began to stammer, but then I heard something crash off-sight to my right. I scrambled to get on to my feet, to find Ricki and Hiro crowded together, my master shielding Ricki protectively with a broom in his hand and the most frightened expression marring his face.

Ricki looked absolutely frightened. Pale, even, and he looked ready to throw up, or possibly pass out.

In front of them was a silhouette of a man in black. I couldn’t read him—I was _human_ , God, _wow_ —but I grabbed his shoulder to pull him away from my friends.

“Who are you?” I demanded, but I immediately froze when I came face-to-face with wide brown eyes and a face so similar to mine, that I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “… Tadashi?” I breathed, just as he did the same, and we pulled apart like the mere presence of the other burned our skin.

“Hiro,” we spoke in complete synchrony, turning to the young man in question, and the ripple of the shiver his whole body made my stomach turn uncomfortably. “Who is this?” we said, together, again, and Ricki chose this moment to properly faint.

“Ricki!” Hiro gasped, holding him up with a little difficulty, before turning to face us again. “Okay—which one of you is the android?” he demanded, sounding hysterical, and the man in the black cat suit gaped at him. I raised my hand, and with a sigh of relief, Hiro dumped Ricki’s unconscious body into my arms, before turning his attention to the man—Tadashi?—in the cat suit.

“Who are you?” he asked, his voice slightly wavering, and the man looked embarrassed, and scratched the back of his head.

“Okay, Hiro, this is going to sound really scary, but it really _is_ me. Tadashi.”

Hiro’s expression hardened, and I could see Masao glaring back at him. “My brother is dead.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing about SHIELD recruitments, the whole world has to think you’re dead.” the man sighed, and rubbed his hair. “Want me to prove it to you, then?”

Hiro nodded stiffly.

“Okay.” The man bit his lip for a moment, considered, and nodded. “Right. That one time, when you were in third grade this girl named Kimmy didn’t invite you to her party, so I took you to the amusement park to cheer you up. You threw up in my shoes after we went on a roller coaster, but afterwards you made it up for me by setting off the park’s fireworks two hours too early from their actual show time.”

Hiro blinked at him, and said, “That story is absolutely ridiculous.”

“It’s true though.” The man rubbed his arm gingerly, and for a moment I honestly thought Hiro was going to kick him out, when his face melted into one of relief, and he ran forward to throw himself into Tadashi’s arms.

“Nii-chan,” Hiro breathed, and I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding. A smile crossed my face as the brothers hugged each other tightly, Hiro crying silently into the material of Tadashi’s cat suit. “Nii-chan, I missed you.”

“Me too, Hiro.” Tadashi replied, hugging him tightly and pressing a kiss to his hair. “Me too.”

He cast a glance at me, and laughed a little awkwardly. “… So, you uh. Made an android of me?” he asked, and Hiro looked at me as well, flushing awkwardly.

“… Yeah. He’s, uh, my final robotics project.” He pulled away from Tadashi, to press his hand apologetically to my arm as I shifted my hold on Ricki’s unconscious body. “Tadashi, this is… Tadashi, the personal healthcare companion.”

“Hi,” I opted to say, giving Hiro’s brother a circular wave. “My name’s Tadashi.”

The man laughed a little hysterically, grinning behind a fist. “That’s a _little_ crazy.” He commented, “But that’s some impressive work, Hiro. He’s practically human like this.”

Hiro positively _beamed_ , and I could feel warmth spread across my chest, but I decided to tell them the big news.

“Actually,” I said, “I’m not exactly an android anymore.”

Hiro froze, and looked at me. “… What?”

“I have an actual beating heart.” I said, feeling for a jugular I knew wasn’t supposed to be there, but there it was, beating under my fingers without me knowing the pressure of my own blood. I wasn’t a healthcare companion anymore.

“… ‘I’m a real boy’, that kind of thing,” Tadashi breathed, and I nodded.

“Precisely. Like Pinocchio.”

Hiro laughed disbelievingly, falling back to lean against the wall as he ran his hand through his hair. “… Wow. This night is getting crazier by the minute.”

“I’m sorry.” I apologised as Tadashi did as well, and we shared a glance and chuckled. Hiro shook his head fondly.

“Really, all I was planning this evening was winning a bot fight and confessing to _this_ guy, and that was it, but this… this takes the cake.”

“You were going to confess to Ricki?” I blurted out, as Tadashi gasped, “You’re _still_ bot fighting?”

“One at a time,” Hiro sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tadashi—” he paused when the both of us nodded, “Uh, _nii-chan_. This is Richard Ishigaki. Ricki, for short,” he gestured at the unconscious young man in my arms. “I have a crush on him, and yes, I was going to ask him out tonight.”

“That’s great, Hiro, but you’re _still bot fighting_?”

“Yeah, I met his team—Ricki here, and Jinpachi, and Kanako—” I supplied, but Tadashi grabbed Hiro’s shoulders and shook him.

“You have a _team_?”

“It’s not really a team, and don’t worry, I’m okay— _ow_!”

Tadashi pinched Hiro’s ear, and the sound of inflating vinyl was incredibly welcome to my ears, the sight of Baymax waddling out from behind a divider prompting a smile to spread across my lips. “Baymax. Hi.” I said, and the robot looked at me.

“You are no longer an android.” He declared simply, before turning to look at Tadashi. “And you are here.”

“Yeah, I am, buddy.” Tadashi smiled through grit teeth, his hand still on Hiro’s ear. “Is Hiro here still bot fighting?” he asked, and the robot nodded.

“Yes. He uses the name Masao to fight, alongside his research assistant, who is pen named Riku Kuukai.”

The older Hamada looked at Hiro exasperatedly, who smiled at him as best as he could.

“I love you, big brother.”

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” the man snarled lightly, but then he sighed. “But then again, I can say the same for myself.”

Hiro sobered up at that. “… Why did you fake your death?” he asked. “Did you know how much I suffered?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Tadashi sighed, sitting down onto Hiro’s bed. My master followed, and I let Baymax take Ricki from me and set him down on the couch in the room, before sitting down at Hiro’s other side. “When I ran into the fire, I found out _everything_ —Callaghan, the microbots, all of it—but that fire, that wasn’t him. Not most of it, anyway.”

Hiro gaped at him, and I squeezed his shoulder to ground him.

“There’s this group—HYDRA—they’re bad people. And I couldn’t let them hurt you, or anyone else. There was a man at the fire, a man named Nick Fury. He told me that if HYDRA was to be stopped, I had to fake my death and join SHIELD.” Tadashi bit his lip, and gave Hiro a one-armed hug. “We thought that Callaghan was working for HYDRA, but we were wrong. Someone stopped him,” and at that Hiro’s shock diminished slightly, “A group of people in suits—uh, what were they called again?”

“Big Hero 6.” Hiro murmured, voice breathy and barely audible. “… That was me.”

Tadashi stopped, and looked down at Hiro.

“… _You_ stopped Callaghan?” he breathed, and Hiro nodded slowly.

“I stopped him for you, mostly. Honey and the others helped me out.”

“The nerd lab, wow,” Tadashi laughed, shaking his head fondly. “I can’t believe you guys are superheroes.”

Hiro grinned at him a little, and Tadashi hugged him tightly.

“God, I’m so proud of you.” He sighed. “Anyway, I came back to you only now because the operation against HYDRA brought me here. Someone’s been making androids and intel says that they were after the BH6, which now are _very_ important people to me.” Tadashi gave him a pointed look. “You have any particularly tricky enemies lately?”

“No,” Hiro shrugged. “We’ve all been throwing them into jail left and right.”

“Maybe a descendant, or a follower?”

Hiro shook his head again, and Tadashi frowned. “… Well, this is weird.”

I also gave it a try, thinking about what kind of readings would I have gotten from androids, and were there anyone like such who had been hanging around Hiro lately.

“Baymax,” I spoke up, surprising the brothers. “What did scanning me feel like?”

The robot blinked at me slowly, before nodding.

“I could not get readings from you. You do not have blood pressure levels, nor do you have hormone and neurotransmitter levels. Whenever my scans went over you, I was presented with black readings of data, almost like as if my signals were jammed.”

“Thanks, Baymax.” I hummed. Who could be like that? I scanned a few people in Hiro’s immediate vicinity in the short time I was with him, and—

“Oh, no.”

I only just managed to notice the dark shadow approaching us with a screwdriver when the pieces fell into place.

“Hiro!” I yelled, pushing the brothers down in time as the screwdriver swiped over my arm, scratching the skin. I hissed, feeling skin tear and blood flow, but before I could appreciate my new humanity, I kicked up to get the assailant to back away—

Ricki, red-eyed and wielding a screwdriver, stared back at me.

“We’ve got to get out of here!” Tadashi yelled, pulling out a gun from its holster and aiming it at the android, but Hiro pushed it aside as I bundled the two of them off the bed and onto the floor. “Hiro?!” he gasped.

“That’s still Ricki!” Hiro pleaded, “That’s my—”

“Watch out!” I yelled, and the screwdriver embedded into the flooring where Tadashi’s head used to be. “We’ve got to escape!”

Tadashi shook his head, clicking his tongue as he scooped Hiro up into his arms with ease, earning him shouts of protest as he headed towards the open window. “Can you follow after us?” he asked me hurriedly, and I nodded. He jumped out the window, Hiro screaming, and I turned back to punch Ricki aside, Baymax at the other side of the room, pressing a button that caused a loud hissing sound to fill the bedroom. I quickly pulled Ricki’s SmartHook on, and headed to the window, but I looked back, worried for Baymax—

And relax when I saw him in his trademark red armour. With that reassurance, I fired the SmartHook out the window, hitting a nearby fire escape, and swung outside to find Tadashi still carrying Hiro while they stood on the nearest roof. I made my way to where they were to find Hiro distraught.

“But—I thought—”

“I thought so too,” Tadashi frowned, turning his attention to me. “Tadashi,” he began.

“I only realised now that Ricki was an android, I’m sorry.” I sighed. “I never realised not being able to scan him was such a bad thing, and I held it off for this long. I’m sorry.”

Tadashi frowned, and in his arms, Hiro’s expression hardened.

“No.” he declared, getting down from Tadashi’s arms. “Ricki is still Ricki. We can still save him.”

“Hiro, Ricki was an android who could feel.” I said, “Just like me. If that’s his directive, then—”

“I’ve known him for nearly three years.” Hiro declared. “If his directive was to kill me, then he would have done it long ago.” He pressed a button on the wristband he was wearing, and from the direction of the café purple armour flew to where we were, Baymax in tow with his armour donning a few noticeable scratches. Hiro jumped down from the roof, much to my and Tadashi’s worry, but the armour latched onto him, and he landed on Baymax’s back. He flew back to us, expression set. “I’m going to save him.”

“Hiro, it’s—” Tadashi began, but I cut him off.

“I’ll help you.” I declared. The man looked at me, and I shrugged. “Ricki was just as involved in my creation as Hiro was. When I was an android, it was in my directive to protect and help Hiro when he needed it. Saving Ricki Ishigaki will prove his emotional and mental state, and so—” I fired the SmartHook towards the nearest fire escape, “I will help him.”

Tadashi looked at the both of us, conflicted, but eventually he nodded.

“Alright. I’ll help too. Hiro, you’re still my baby brother, and I want nothing but to help you. If getting Ricki back will make you happy, then I will do everything in my power to make it possible.”

Hiro’s answering smile brought a smile to my face, and I saw Tadashi relax visibly for the first time I saw him.

* * *

We went into a dank little warehouse just a few blocks away from the pier, and Hiro whistled lowly as we entered the darkness.

“ _This_ looks familiar.” He mumbled, and Baymax nodded.

“That night when we first encountered Yokai.” He said.

“Callaghan.” Tadashi frowned.

“Shh,” I hushed them all, stalking forward. “I think… I see… something?”

A light was flickering in the distance, and the three of us held our breaths, as we stalked closer—

“Surprise!”

Light suddenly flooded the warehouse, revealing Ricki holding a stick with a paper star taped to the end of it, standing next to a person with messy bed hair and dressed in a tattered maroon hoodie.

I blinked, and confetti rained over us like a delayed reaction.

“So, hi.” The person in the hoodie drawled, and looked at you. “Hi to you as well, reader.”

“You’ve reached the end of this April Fools’ prank!” Ricki shook the stick with the paper wand cheerfully, and somewhere in the back the sound of maracas could be heard.

Hiro sighed, and slumped to the ground. “Wow. Really?”

“Sorry,” the person laughed. “I tried making something this year but it’s really not cutting out to be the best? Or I dunno, I just wanted to fool people into thinking I actually updated this.”

The person looked at you and snickered. “Actually right now I’m writing fanfiction with my friend [ziraulo](http://ziraulo.tumblr.com/) by sending .docx files over at Facebook. It’s very fun, but it won’t see the light of the Internet for a while.”

“Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the April Fools’ prank.” Ricki tapped the top of Hiro’s head with the stick. “And you’re going to have to wait a while for my answer, hm?”

“That’s not fair,” Hiro protested.

“So wait, am I not supposed to be here?” Tadashi spoke up, and the person shook their head.

“Nope. You belong in a different AU, sorry.”

“And am I not supposed to be human?” I asked.

“Nope, sorry!” Ricki tapped my injury with the stick, and it disappeared, as the sensation of electricity returned to my senses. “Set you back now.”

“… Thanks?” I ventured, and Ricki gave me a thumbs-up.

“Anyway.” The person with messy hair turned to you, and smiled. “On a more serious note, seriously thanks for sticking around and reading Kokoro. I hope you’re enjoying the ride so far, and I hope you’ll be looking forward to the end of this series, Kiseki.” They gave you a thumbs-up. “Here’s to all the comments and kudos on this fic. You guys keep me running this, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful.”

“But now, it’s time to go!” Ricki gave you a wave. “The next update is the real one, promise.”

I turned to you, and smiled helplessly.

“See you next time, I guess.” I said. “Good night, reader.”

_(Don't leave him hanging! Give him a "Good night, Tadashi!")_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY EVERYONE  
> GIVE TADASHI-BOT A GOOD NIGHT~

**Author's Note:**

> lmao okay so this is actually my first full-length first person pov fic so if it's a little strange it's because a.) I was trying a new style and b.) it's a style i'm incredibly uncomfortable with.
> 
> for science.


End file.
